The Vatican Deals With A Condom Rebellion And Poland Meets With Imaginary Countries

PNUT GALLERY

Looks like Dora won’t be exploring the Philippines. The country’s environment minister said Nickelodeon will no longer be allowed to build an underwater Dora the Explorer theme park.

 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

 Trump Thinks Russia Was Behind The Hacking, Too

At yesterday’s press conference at Trump Tower, the President-elect tried to focus on his deep desire to replace Obamacare and start building that wall along the border of Mexico. However, there were other issues on reporters’ minds. Just hours before Trump spoke to the press, it was revealed that on December 9, Senator John McCain handed the controversial #GoldenShowers dossier to the FBI for investigation. “Upon examination of the contents, and unable to make a judgment about their accuracy, I delivered the information to the Director of the FBI. That has been the extent of my contact with the FBI or any other government agency regarding this issue,” McCain told the press yesterday.

Trump obviously didn’t want to talk about the alleged Golden Showers that are eclipsing all the headlines, but for the first time ever, he said that believes Russia was responsible for the hacking that took place ahead of the election. However, he rejected allegations that Moscow had any footage that would compromise him. “I think it was Russia,” he admitted, but then insisted that “Russia will have much greater respect for our country when I am leading it than when other people have led it.”

 NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

 The Vatican Deals With An Internal Rebellion Over Condoms

It looks like not everyone within the Catholic Church see Pope Francis as “The Cool Pope.” The Knights of Malta, an ancient Catholic order, is refusing to cooperate with the Vatican on an investigation regarding the sacking of an official for violating the Catholic Church’s ban on contraceptives. The Maltese Order’s Grand Chancellor Albrecht von Boeselager was suspended in early December after allegations came out that the Order’s charitable arm had distributed thousands of condoms in Myanmar under his leadership. In a strongly-worded statement, the Order called the Vatican’s investigation legally “irrelevant” and claimed that it undermined their sovereignty. This is part of a growing trend of conservative traditionalists within the church disapproving of Pope Francis’ progressive interpretations of doctrine.

Gambian President Jammeh Won’t Be Stepping Down Anytime Soon

Since the Supreme Court will not make a decision on Gambia’s disputed elections until May, there is no reason for President Yahya Jammeh to start packing. Sure, President-elect Adama Barrow says he will be inaugurated next week, but Jammeh won’t budge. Nigeria and other regional mediators continue to urge Jammeh to accept defeat but he continues to double down on his promise to not leave. In a nationwide TV broadcast, he dismissed any attempts to support a transition of power as “foreign interference” and part of a smear campaign that highlights his human rights abuses since he first took power in 1994.

 KEEPING OUR EYE ON

Morocco: According to local reports, the government has banned the burqa, or full body veil. Although the government hasn’t confirmed the ban, vendors and merchants were notified this week that they would no longer be allowed to sell the religious garment.

Volkswagen: As part of a $4.3 billion settlement with US regulators, the automaker agreed to new reforms and audits for three years. The agreement will resolve the diesel emissions cheating investigations.

 SPONSORED NUTS: WARBY PARKER

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

 Poland Is Now Taking Meetings With Fake Countries

Poland’s foreign minister Witold Waszczykowski isn’t doing so well in his campaign to get a non-permanent seat at the UN Security Council. Waszczykowski is currently in New York to lobby for the seat and bragged to reporters that he was meeting with officials from nearly 20 countries. The problem is that he allegedly met with with representatives from countries that don’t exist. When pressed to give examples, he offered “San Escobar,” which is not on any map the UN prints. Needless to say social media rose to the opportunity to humiliate the foreign minister.