January 27, 2017

Four Schoolchildren Took Cocaine Thinking It Was Sherbert

This is why our food products have labels. Four schoolchildren between the ages of nine and 13 were taken to the hospital after they tried cocaine at their middle school in Dorset, UK. The kids thought the class A drug was actually a sugary sweet, and no doubt realized their error upon tasting it and the rapid heart rate that followed. The children were taken to the hospital and were eventually discharged. They were in fine health, though reports haven’t confirmed the wicked hangover that probably followed the next morning. Authorities are still trying to figure out how the “extracurricular” got into the middle school in the first place. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: