December 19, 2016

Venezuelan President Wants To Delay Country-Wide Panic Until Next Year

President Nicolas Maduro finally realized that scrapping Venezuela’s most-used banknote would plummet the country further into economic chaos. That’s why he won’t take the millions of 100-bolivar notes out of circulation until after the holidays. What a relief! Even though the currency withdrawal won’t begin until early January, local reports claim businesses are refusing to accept 100-bolivar notes. Many citizens are already in a frantic rush to exchange the banknotes, causing several states to run out of their cash supply. Needless to say, protests and looting are already underway in preparation for January’s official discontinuation of the country’s most-used banknote. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: