November 09, 2016

Day 1 Of The Apocalypse: Business As Usual

While most of America trudged through the day still reeling from either a shock-induced hangover or a victory party hangover, the political system carried on as usual. Here’s what you may have missed while you were busy defending your political ideals to some distant relative on Facebook:

Hillary Clinton made her concession speech yesterday, using most of her time to thank her supporters and speak to the nation’s daughters. In a highly meme-able quote, Clinton said to a teary-eyed crowd, “to all of the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams.”

In the emotional speech, Clinton conceded that “this is painful, and it will be for a long time.” Her most candid discussion of Trump was that she hoped he would be a “President to all of America,” a sentiment that was later reiterated by President Barack “Lame Duck” Obama. In a separate news conference, Obama urged unity in the country, asking the hurt, disappointed and even angry Democrats to come together with the rest of the nation for the sake of the republic. “The peaceful transfer of power is one of the hallmarks of our democracy,” he reminded us.

Meanwhile, the markets recovered and Donald Trump began to think about the seating arrangements in his cabinet. It’s likely that he’ll roll out a few cabinet nominations at a time, but his aides gave the press a few names we can expect. Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie unsurprisingly named, as well as former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. They also mentioned lesser-known figures who are members of Trump’s inner circle, such as Steven Mnuchin, a businessman who was Trump’s national finance chairman. Trump also selected Myron Ebell, one of the most polarizing climate skeptics from the conservative Competitive Enterprise Institute, to lead the EPA transition team. Picking Ebell will no doubt anger environmentalists, but sends a signal that Trump intends to drastically reshape the climate polices that Obama’s team once shaped. 

The only name we were surprised to not see was Russian President Vladimir Putin, but we get it. The leader of a foreign nation technically can’t sit in the President’s cabinet. But speaking of foreign besties, Trump has begun to receive phone calls from world leaders to extend their congratulations. French President Hollande got so warm and fuzzy he went as far as saying, “I offer my congratulations, as it is natural to do between two heads of democratic states.”

Okay, it’s not exactly a “best friends forever” speech, but not nearly as icy as German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s message. She congratulated the President-elect in a press conference but didn’t hide the fact she found his campaign to be chock full of “confrontations that were difficult to bear.” She offered her “close cooperation” if and only if he retains the values that Germany and the US share, namely, “respect for the law and for the dignity of human beings, independently of origin, skin color, religion, gender, sexual orientation or political views.” Hopefully, that’s not too tall an order.

Meanwhile, a series of protests broke out on college campuses and in major cities yesterday protesting yesterday’s result under the banner “not our President.” The protests are reminiscent of the “Tea Party” movement that began taking hold in the wake of Obama’s 2008 victory. It’s unclear if this will become the left’s version of the Tea Party or fizzle out like the #Occupy movement. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: