October 05, 2016

The VP Candidates Get Rowdy, Russia Gets Thirsty And Germany Gets Funny (Almost)


We watched the debate between Tim Kaine and Mike Pence so you didn’t have to. Here are the 7 things you missed from last night’s debate.  


 #Pnut4prez: America Treated To Wonkiest 90 Minutes In History

Vice Presidential candidates Tim Kaine and Mike Pence squared off last night, offering the public 90 minutes of the banter you would hear at a corporate networking event without an open bar. Despite the aggressive interruptions and frequent tangents, the debate was void of the name calling, run-on sentences and braggadociousness of the Presidential debate, giving the VP candidates a chance to highlight the details of their respective campaigns, or in many cases, their own personal beliefs. Here are some of the highlights:

  • Kaine insisted that a public servant can not impose their personal faith. Thus, he worked within his state’s death penalty laws despite his religious beliefs.
  • Kaine questioned why Pence and Trump do not trust women to make their own choices about their bodies. Pence articulated his pro-life views and said he is also “pro-adoption.”
  • Viewers were treated to more discussions about Trump’s taxes. Kaine criticized Trump for breaking his promise to release them and Pence promised Trump would release his tax returns when the audit was finished. It was like watching a dog chase its tail.
  • After weeks of hilarious “Aleppo moments,” we finally had a serious conversation about the dire situation in Aleppo. Both candidates want to create safe zones in Syria and might bomb the Syrian government. Both candidates were also more hawkish on Putin, which was shocking for Trump supporters who expected Pence to echo Trump’s affection for the man.
  • Kaine came off more aggressive at first, while Pence remained collected. Well, until he turned to Kaine and said, “you whipped out that Mexican thing again.”

PNUT POLL: Who do you think won the vice presidential debate?

Hurricane Matthew Is On The Move To Who-Knows-Where

Hurricane Matthew, a category 4 storm, struck Haiti this morning bringing winds reaching 145 mph and leading to flooding and the destruction of homes. It is unknown how many casualties there have been, and because it is still recovering from a 2010 earthquake, Haiti is not well-prepared to deal with more damage. Hurricane Matthew is the strongest hurricane to hit Haiti since 1964.

Meanwhile, everybody on the east coast of the United States is trying to figure out what the storm means for them. It’s still too early to know what Matthew’s impact on the U.S. will be. Your guess is as good as Karen Smith’s. Many forecasts have Matthew reaching Florida Thursday morning and making its way up the coast to the mid-atlantic by Saturday, though the eye of the storm is likely to stay offshore.

PNUTTY VIDEO: Footage of the storm from on the ground and outer space.




 Turkey Gives Up On Comedy For Police Dramas

Germany finally dropped charges against Jan Böhmermann, the German comedian who caused a diplomatic crisis when his poem hurt Turkish President Erdogan’s feelings. Prosecutors said they dropped their investigation because of insufficient evidence that the jokes were a crime. Despite charges dropped, Böhmermann still faces more court dates. President Erdogan brought his own private prosecution against the comic, who satirized Erdogan’s political style with references to everything from bestiality to “kicking Kurds and slapping Christians.”

Presumably angered by the news, Turkey went on yet another firing spree, this time suspending 13,000 police officers for alleged links to the failed coup. Turkey has dismissed, suspended or jailed over 100,000 government workers since the coup attempt in July, but insists those without proven links to the coup will be freed… eventually. It may take awhile to get around to hearing everyone’s case since Erdogan is still hung up about a poem.

Spain Tightens Its Belt On Corruption

The so-called Gurtel case reached a head in Madrid as 37 suspects went to trial for involvement in a massive corruption network responsible for some €120 million in public financial losses. The accusations against the defendants – three of whom are former members of Spain’s incumbent right-wing Popular Party (PP) — is a political corruption Mad Libs ranging from bribery to money laundering and tax evasion. Notable defendants include former PP Treasurer Luic Barcenas, infamous for running PP’s slush fund in Switzerland, and Gurtel leader and namesake Francisco Correa. (Fun fact: correa and gurtel both mean “belt” in Spanish and German respectively.) Correa likes to call himself “Don Vito” as a reference to The Godfather, but we’re hoping “belt” sticks around instead.

Yahoo! We Are Spying On Youuu!

The uncomfortably cosy relationship between tech companies and the NSA reached new heights yesterday when Reuters reported that Yahoo! had built a special software to scan all your incoming emails for the NSA or FBI, as they presumably search for criminals still stuck in the 90’s. This isn’t the first time that Yahoo! comes under fire for divulging customer information to security agencies. In the 2000’s Yahoo! gave China information on some dissidents, resulting in their arrest. Yahoo hasn’t denied the claims but insists that it abides with US laws. Meanwhile, if you do decide to change from Yahoo to gmail don’t forget to sign up to Daily Pnut with your new email.


Syria: The Russian military is now bringing in more advanced anti-aircraft and anti-missile system into Syria. Although the US announced that the country not believe the Russians plan to target US pilots, one official called the development “a concern.”

Google: Following several pre-event leaks, Google finally released the new Pixel smartphone. The “phone by Google” hopes to steal iPhone loyalists with a Snapdragon 821 processor, or a specialized version of Google’s Android software.

UK: Just 18 days after she was elected, UKIP leader Diane James is standing down. Turns out, she didn’t have “sufficient authority” to see through the changes she promised, according to her statement.


Seth Meyers takes a closer look at Donald Trump’s leaked tax returns. And he has a theory why Trump won’t release the rest of his taxes.

Joe Biden said Donald Trump is “thoroughly, completely uninformed” after hearing a comment Trump made about veterans.


 Russia Is Now Selling Alcohol From Vending Machines

We knew this day would come. Russia has made self-medicating more convenient by selling thornapple tincture, a medicine of 70% ethyl alcohol, from vending machines throughout the Kaluga region. The “medicine” purportedly eases heart pains, but is widely consumed by Russia’s most intense drinkers due to its high alcohol content and low cost. Now there is no need to lie to a pharmacist because vending machines will offer 100 ml bottles for just 20 rubles ($0.32) and they’re available 24 hours a day! Advertisements for the medicinal alcohol machines seem to know their audience. Without mentioning any medicinal properties, Boyarka24 machines promise huge revenue because demand for the “fluid” is skyrocketing thanks to “hard times.”

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: