October 12, 2016

Obama Wants To Go To Mars, Putin Doesn’t Want To Go To France

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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Obama Outlines Ambitious Plan To Send Congress To Mars

Tired of our continued attempts to find “rock bottom” in this Presidential election, Obama is encouraging Americans to look up – specifically at Mars – and think about all the wonderful people we could send there. Writing for CNN, Obama outlined his plan to get humans to Mars and back by 2030. He promised to work with private companies, presumably Elon Musk, who recently outlined his own plan to get to the Red Planet.

On a less ambitious, but probably just as meaningful, note, Obama signed a law mandating that men’s toilets in public buildings must have baby-changing stations, because it is 2016 and about time dads learned how to changed diapers. And people were calling him a lame-duck President!

PNUTTY VIDEO: Obama Isn’t The Only One Trying To Get To Mars

France Tries To Hold An Intervention But Russia Doesn’t Show

After several failed ceasefires, numerous talks and having recently vetoed a UN Security Council resolution, Russia clearly has no intention on changing its active military stance in Syria. This is hardly doing wonders for its international reputation and, in fact, almost got Putin uninvited to France. However, France thought it could cunningly force Russia to talk about their continued bombing of the rebel-held city of Aleppo by making talks a condition of Putin’s visit – a sort of diplomatic intervention. Unfortunately, Russia cancelled the visit despite their RSVP, which is a host’s worst nightmare – think of the place settings! Russia asked to reschedule at President Hollande’s convenience but there is just one problem: Putin was meant to be inaugurating the new Russian Orthodox cathedral in Paris. While not exactly subtle, it’s nevertheless effective in avoiding talks about his support of the Assad regime.

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

It Was Fun While It Blasted: The Samsung Galaxy Story

In an unprecedented move, Samsung Electronics will no longer produce or market the Galaxy Note 7 smartphone, a device once lauded for its high speeds and hot style. So hot, you could even say that the Galaxy Note 7 was literal flames… until they began catching fire. Samsung rushed to address reports that Note 7 devices could overheat and burst like an exploding sun in the actual galaxy and after a few recalls, it looked as though the Korean company survived the heat. But recently, new reports revealed that some of the “repaired” devices were continuing to overheat, smoke and even “burst into flames.” The company’s shares fell 8% yesterday and it’s estimated that the recall cost them nearly $17 billion. If there is a bright side, Samsung originally created the Galaxy Note 7 to beat this year’s “dull” iPhone. They certainly achieved that goal.

Gay Marriage Unlikely In Australia After Procedural Kerfuffle

Same sex marriage will likely remain illegal in Australia for the next few years after the parliament said they would vote down a national referendum on the issue. The proposed non-binding referendum or “plebiscite” (which quite frankly sounds more like a food-borne illness than a part of the democratic process) is opposed by those who support gay marriage because they believe it will be too costly and could lead to a spike in homophobia. The problem is, same sex marriage is unlikely to pass in parliament even though polls show that a clear majority of Australians support legalizing gay marriage. If there is no plebiscite and parliament does not legalize same sex marriage, it likely won’t happen unless the Labor Party wins the next general election…in 2019. At least America isn’t the only country where political maneuvering prevents an outcome favored by a majority of citizens!

#Pnut4prez: Trump 2.0 The ‘Unshackled’ Version

Donald Trump is fighting a two-front war in his bid for the Presidency. On one side, he’s still fighting democratic rival and possible “devil” Hillary Clinton. On this front, he’s aided by a continuous stream of emails released by Wikileaks. On the other side, he’s devoting considerable resources to fighting a civil war over the future of the GOP. Trump tweeted that Paul Ryan was a “very weak and ineffective leader,” John McCain was “foul-mouthed” and that it’s “so nice that the shackles have been taken off.” If the past 18 months have been “shackled” Trump, what will the next four weeks look like?

GOOD READ: The GOP Is In The Midst Of A Civil War

KEEPING OUR EYE ON 

Afghanistan: At least 14 people were gunned down and another 40 people were wounded at a Shia shrine in Kabul on the eve of Ashura, one of of the holiest days of the year for Shia Muslims. After more than two hours, elite forces managed to kill the attackers, but officials still worry that more militants will try to stoke ethnic tensions against the Shia minority.

Brazil: After nearly 10 years serving as Rio de Janeiro’s head of security, Jose Beltrame is resigning. Reporters believe the recent high profile clash between police and suspected drug dealers around the city was the last straw for Jose.

Italy: Perhaps learning from Rio’s mistakes, Italy is withdrawing their bid for hosting the 2024 Olympic Games in Rome. Rome’s Mayor Virginia Raggi had long campaigned against the bid, saying the city should focus its attention on solving corruption and improving city planning instead.

PNUTTY VIDEOS

The presidential election may bring on the end of democracy in America, so we could all use a good laugh. Here are the four funniest responses to Trump’s horrific comments about women.

Contrary to what you may have heard on your local conspiracy theory radio show, President Obama proved his is not a demon.  

PNUT ORIGINALS

The German and Hebrew languages share a history that dates back further than you might think. Check out how they’re converging today.

Read our analysis of the Republican Party’s civil war. Sneak peek: Donald Trump struck back today.

Striking images of the cultural heritage sites we’ve lost this year.

 LOOSE NUTS

Symbol Of America Freed From The Front Grill Of A Car

The upcoming elections might make it hard for some Americans to swell with pride, but surely the story of a bald eagle breaking free from the front grill of a sedan will make a few patriots misty-eyed. Images of the tough, regal and most likely Republican bird of prey went viral after he got caught in a tailwind during Hurricane Matthew and wound up stuck in a car in Florida. The Clay County Sheriff said a resident noticed the feathered patriot hanging out of the front of a car driving down the road and urged the motorist to pull over. Turns out the bald eagle was just trying to do a bit of hitchhiking, but then remembered there is no such thing as a free ride in this country.

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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: