October 17, 2016

ISIS in Iraq and Conspiracy Theories in America


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ISIS: Apocalypse Proves Anti-Climactic

Turkish-backed rebels captured the Syrian town of Dabiq from the apocalyptical lunatics known as ISIS over the weekend, dealing another blow to the group. Now, the capture of a small, non-strategic town wouldn’t usually warrant coverage in this conflict but this town is special. For years, ISIS has claimed that there would be an epic battle between the forces of Islam and its enemies over this town that would bring about Armageddon and the end of times. They even named their own magazine after it. Unimpressed, the Turks and other Muslims told them to get lost, encountering little resistance.

PNUT READ: The 5 Things To Know ISIS

#pnut4prez: A Divided Nation And The Risks That Entails

Over the past week, both candidates have insisted that this is a make-or-break election for the US and that their opponent should not be trusted with their finger on the nuclear trigger. Hillary Clinton reiterated that she believes she is the “last thing standing between you and the apocalypse.” Meanwhile, Donald Trump offered a fantastic conspiracy theory involving Hillary Clinton, global banks and the destruction of US sovereignty. He’s also repeatedly stated that the election is “rigged” against him.

As if to underscore that point, a woman at a Pence rally spoke of staging an anti-Clinton revolution if Hillary was to win. Luckily, Pence was able to quiet her down. Also on Friday, the FBI shut down a plot to bomb an apartment complex housing 120 Somalis in Kansas by a group called the “Crusaders” who wanted to “wake people up” by, presumably, killing a bunch of them. Now, to be clear, no candidate has called for a revolution or advocated for attacks on people but it is a friendly reminder that, perhaps, everyone should dial it down a few notches…

PNUT READ: What Is Happening To The GOP?


 Kuwait: When Parliament Disagrees, Fire Everyone And Start Over

Not in the mood for answering questions, Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah dissolved Kuwait’s entire parliament for filing three requests to ask about gas prices. MPs in this parliament were considered pro-government, but dissent was on the rise after Kuwait’s government cut benefits including fuel subsidies, forcing oil prices to rise by 80% in Kuwait while prices plummeted everywhere else in the world. Rather than have conversation about it, the Emir of Kuwait issued a decree at at emergency meeting on Sunday, dissolving the national assembly and triggering early elections. Parliament was meant to serve until next July, but a spokesperson for the ruling al-Sabah family said “the only way” to deal with them was to “form a new government line-up.”

 John Kerry Hopes To Try His Luck With Another Ceasefire

Another day; another ceasefire. This time, our attention turns to Yemen, where both Britain and the United States are calling for a ceasefire as a way to calm any retaliation after a Saudi airstrike killed 140 people. For the last 18 months, the Iranian-backed Houthis and the Saudi-backed Yemeni government has escalated further into violence, and have begun to bring the US into the mix. US Secretary of State John Kerry said he is working with UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson and UN Special Envoy Ismail Ould Cheikh Ahmed to work through the details of the new ceasefire attempt and will soon announce when – if ever – it will take effect.

GOOD READ: Everything You Need To Know About The War In Yemen

Life in Haiti Continues to Deteriorate in the Wake of Hurricane Matthew

Still reeling from the hurricane’s massive destruction and the cholera that swept the country immediately afterwards, Haitian protestors were hit with teargas during a clash with United Nations peacekeepers. Shortly before UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon’s helicopter was due to land in Les Cayes, residents began throwing rocks at peacekeepers at the Les Cayes UN base. About 100 people were throwing rocks and yelling at UN staff, expressing their frustration at the delays in receiving aid since the hurricane hit. Protestors scattered after peacekeepers used teargas and Ban eventually landed to give a heartwarming speech, but tensions remain, as many blame the UN peacekeeping base for inadequately treating sewage, which introduced cholera to the nation’s biggest river.  


Thailand: Needing more time to mourn his father, Thailand’s Crown Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn asked for his coronation to be held off for one year. In the meantime, Thailand is beginning a year of official mourning of the late King Bhumibol Adulyadej.

Argentina: The first Argentinian pope has given Catholics their first saint from Argentina. Pope Francis canonized Jose Gabriel del Rosario Brochero, aka “The Gaucho Priest,” along with six other new saints. Brochero was celebrated as a “poncho-wearing pastor” who tended to the poor and isolated, but died in 1914 after living with leprosy for years.


Saturday Night Live’s rendition of the second presidential debate was better than the real thing. 


Philippines President Forced People To Take Zumba

Sure, it’s not the most grievous policy from Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, but it could not have improved morale to force people to join the most obnoxious fitness trend since Jazzercise. Back when Duterte first took office, he called on drug addicts to turn themselves in, warning them of the consequences. Over 600,000 people did just that, overwhelming government offices that did not have the resources to support so many admitted drug abusers. There were only 14 public rehab centers in the entire country, so the government got creative and started sending meth addicts to compulsory Zumba classes. No word yet if the classes have helped people mambo out of their drug addictions.

PNUTTY VIDEO: Duterte Told President Obama to ‘Go to Hell’

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: