October 05, 2016

Fleas With ‘Massive Penises’ Have Invaded London

Pest control experts are warning Londoners that billions of “super-fleas with massive penises” could be entering a bedroom near you. The new breed, which comes equipped with a penis two-and-a-half times the length of its body, is expected to come out of hibernation this autumn and is ready to mingle. Pharmacists are reporting that flea bite cream is already flying off the shelves. The new breed of well endowed flea is believed to have come from Europe, no doubt the reason why Brexit supporters look at the parasite with such disdain (and jealousy.)

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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: