September 07, 2016

France Plays Musical Chairs And ITT Tech Takes A Permanent Vacation


It looks like another group is jumping on the bandwagon to ban the burka, and that group is… ISIS. The terrorist group deems the modest covering a security concern in parts of Iraq.


France Plays Musical Chairs With Asylum Seekers

Hoping to remedy the rapid increase of homelessness on the streets, Paris will open its first refugee camp next month. Mayor Anne Hidalgo said a camp to house 400 men will open in the north of the city, followed by a camp for women and children in the suburb of Ivry-sur-Seine scheduled for later this year. While these camps could provide shelter and medical care for France’s asylum seekers, critics fear this only treats a symptom of France’s greater problems. There was already a planned center for 200 asylum seekers in Essonne before it was set fire. Hidalgo condemned such acts of xenophobic violence as a “disgrace,” but let’s not forget France also evicted thousands and demolished parts of the Calais “Jungle” Camp, where 7,000 migrants now live. The two camps will cost an estimated 6.5 million euros and hopefully create safe and sustainable options.

ITT Tech Gets Schooled By The Government

For-profit technical institute ITT Tech announced yesterday that it would be shutting down all its 130 campuses in the US, effectively terminating 8,000 employees and putting 35,000 students in limbo. The move comes two weeks after the government announced that ITT Tech couldn’t accept any more students receiving federal aid, which affected ~80% of their students. The government, and industry watchdogs, attest that ITT Tech uses shady recruiting practices, preying on veterans, and shadier accounting practices. ITT Tech says that they were doing students a solid by giving them access to education. Unfortunately, that education was overpriced and sub-par and left graduates with a lot of debt. Thanks but no thanks?


A throwback to when John Oliver explored student debt, in honor of ITT Tech’s closure.

Ann Coulter tries to roast Rob Lowe… gets roasted instead. Here’s a roundup of the best jokes.


Roger Ailes Costs Fox News Another $20 Million

Setting a new precedent for itself, Fox News will pay $20 million to settle former anchor Gretchen Carlson’s lawsuit against former Fox chief Roger Ailes. What’s more is that 21st Century Fox, the News network’s parent company, issued a public apology to Carlson, who filed a sexual harassment suit against Ailes in July, saying he took her off a popular show and cut her pay because she refused to have a sexual relationship with him. Fox apologized and vaguely admitted that Carlson “was not treated with the respect and dignity that she and all of our colleagues deserve.”

Ailes founded the conservative news network back in 1996 but left less than three weeks after Carlson filed suit, taking a cool $40 million severance package with him. While Carlson is offered some vindication here, Fox paid Ailes twice as much to leave than they compensated Carlson for what happened.

Diplomacy 101: Don’t Call Your Ally A ‘Son Of A Whore’

Philippines President Duterte hopefully learned a valuable lesson this week: it’s generally unwise to hurl slurs at a powerful, longterm ally. Duterte learned that the hard way after voicing regret for calling US President Obama a “son of a whore,” a comment which prompted the US to cancel their bilateral meeting. The tension couldn’t come at worse time, since Washington is trying to forge a united front with Southeast Asian partners in order to spar with Beijing over the South China Sea. This isn’t the first time Duterte used his favorite Filipino phrase. Before Obama, the US Ambassador to the Philippines and everybody’s pal Pope Francis were also hit with the slur “putang ina.” It’s shaping up to be a promising drinking game.

‘One Country, Two Systems’… Two Laws And 70 Legislators

Following this weekend’s historic vote, Hong Kong seemed just about ready to usher in a new era of social and economic autonomy free from a very clingy China. And who better to spearhead this bold political direction than a bespectacled 23-year-old by the name of Nathan Law. The newly elected legislator – the youngest in Hong Kong’s history – is no stranger to the front line, having led the student Umbrella Revolution of 2014. Yet, the Chinese government has already reminded the members of Hong Kong’s legislative council LegCo to not get any big ideas, warning that legislators advocating independence will be “punish[ed] in accordance with the law” – we wonder if they noticed the pun.

Law was quick to respond stating in a BBC interview that he’s “not advocating independence,” but that, “Hong Kong people should enjoy [their] rights of self-determination.” Even in the face of intimidation from a country notorious for crippling censorship and political supremacy, Law seems quietly confident in his pro-separatist platform. He might be taking a backseat for now, but the young politician believes Hong Kong will be ready for sovereignty reform in the future… between 10 to 20 years’ time.


Gabon: With the post-election clashes escalating, Chad President Idriss Deby will lead an African Union delegation to resolve Gabon’s crisis. Only problem: Deby has also been accused of rigging elections in his own country, where he has ruled for 26 years.

Sweden: The assembly that awards the Nobel Prize for medicine is demanding the resignation of two of its judges, citing a serious lapse of judgement. Both judges had once hired stem-cell surgeon Paulo Macchiarini, who now faces numerous accusations of scientific fraud and misconduct resulting in the death of two patients.


Health Minister Denies Taking ‘Fake Cocaine’ At Primary School Event

A school board in New Zealand had to apologize for throwing a “Las Vegas” themed fundraiser at a primary school. That theme already sounds too tone-deaf to be true, but this school board went above and beyond by recreating images of fake drug use, using powdered sugar and razors on trays as props. This was a family event with children around and none of these edgy Martha Stewarts on the school board thought it was a bad idea.

Needless to say, parents were upset. Health Minister Jonathan Coleman, the local MP in attendance, now finds himself apologizing and insisting that he didn’t try to do a line or two of the fake cocaine. It’s a good thing, too. Could you imagine the effects from taking a generous bump from an oversized Fisher Price key? While Coleman salvages his image, he insists neither he nor the school were “condoning drug use.” But you know what they say: what happens in Vegas…stays out of a primary school.

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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: