September 22, 2016

Ceasefires That Don’t Cease Firing And North Carolina Protest


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You all must really hate Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf given the creative (and brutal) punishments you came up with. Elizabeth Warren might agree with you, given how she roasted him on Tuesday.


Police Shooting Prompts Riots In Charlotte

Keith Lamont Scott was the 56th person killed by police in the United States this month. The police officers approached an apartment complex in Charlotte, NC with an outstanding warrant for the arrest of another man when they came across Scott in his car. Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Kerr Putney claims Scott was armed, though Scott’s daughter claims he was reading and unarmed. Scott was a father of seven.

Protests broke out in the streets of Charlotte late Tuesday night as hundreds of people gathered outside the apartment complex where Scott was shot. The police used tear gas after protestors started throwing rocks and bottles. The protests come just one day after Tulsa, OK police released a video of an officer shooting Terrence Crutcher after he exited his car with his hands up. Crutcher, who was killed only four days before Scott, was the 44th person killed by police this month. That’s how fast the number of killings rise.

John Kerry On The Ceasefire: Don’t Stop Believin’

Following Monday’s attack on an aid convoy, US Secretary of State John Kerry demanded the grounding of all warplanes in key areas in Syria, in an attempt to maintain the ceasefire that nobody else believes still exists. Monday’s attack on 18 trucks carrying aid packages resulted in 20 civilian deaths. The US is attributing the bombing to either Syrian or Russian forces. Russia, naturally, is saying it could have only been Syrian militants and Syria is presumably quite fed up with everyone.

In other alarming news next door, US forces are testing whether Mustard Gas was used in a rocket attack by ISIS against US forces in Iraq. This isn’t the first time ISIS has used chemical weapons in this war and officials are worried that as Iraq/Kurds/US forces try to take back Mosul from ISIS the group might get more creative and deadly in its choice of weapons.

PNUT READ: Our Summary Of The Syrian Civil War


Taiwan Asks Google To Blur Its NSFW Military Structures

Once again, those pesky satellite images are revealing the truth about what’s going on in the South China Sea. This time, Taiwan has asked Google to blur images of its military structures that are located in the Spratly Islands. The Taiwanese defense minister said he could not elaborate on what the facilities were, because it would be “inconvenient.” The request comes amidst rising tension between China, Taiwan and the Philippines, among others, over control of the area around the Spratly Islands. The archipelago located in the South China Sea is in the middle of strategic shipping lanes. Google is reviewing the request.

Texas Is Getting Messed With

The federal government got fed up with Texas yesterday and will soon be going head to head with the Lone Star State on two fronts. Firstly, the state will be put under court supervision after they were caught actively misleading voters about ID requirements in statements to the press and official voting materials. This all started back in July, when the US Court of Appeals ruled that Texas’ new voter ID requirements were discriminatory against minorities and thus illegal under the federal Voting Rights Act. But then Texas quickly violated this court order. While the US Court ruled that voters could legally sign an affidavit swearing they could not reasonably obtain ID, Texas officials instead produced voting materials that suggested “everyone who signs that form” would be criminally investigated.

Flexing their state’s right (or perhaps just might) yet again, Governor Greg Abbott announced that Texas doesn’t want to help the US government provide aid and services to refugees. The decision follows in the footsteps of Kansas and New Jersey, states that have already pulled out of the federally funded refugee resettlement program. Responding to President Obama’s announcement that the US intends to increase refugee resettlements in 2017, Abbott is threatening to pull out of the federal resettlement program unless demands for more rigorous refugee vetting are “unconditionally” met by September 30.

Apple Wants To Give You iCar, Zuck Wants To Cure You

It was a busy and bold day in Silicon Valley on Wednesday as two tech giants went in opposite directions in their attempts to change the world:

  • The Financial Times reported that Apple was in acquisition talks with super-car company McLaren as part of their overall drive to a possible iCar. McLaren denied those rumors. We just hope that the car isn’t powered by Siri or else we will end up going nowhere really fast…
  • On a slightly more ambitious and altruistic note, Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan pledged to spend $3 billion over the next ten years to cure all diseases by the end of the century. Yes, you read that right: ALL diseases. No. Big. Deal.

We can’t wait for this bold future full of long, disease-free lives spent in self-driving super cars… assuming the planet doesn’t melt before then.


Oh, Canada: After 19,000 students on Prince Edward Island were evacuated because someone faxed in a bomb threat, it turned out to be a hoax. Investigators are still searching for who did it and why anyone would fax a bomb threat in 2016. Fortunately no one was hurt in what could have been a great script for a 1980’s teen movie.

Egypt: A migrant boat capsized off the coast of Egypt on Wednesday, killing at least 42 people. Search and rescue teams are still working near the coastal city of Alexandria, where 150 people have already been from the capsized vessel.

Italy: Rome’s new mayor Virginia Raggi plans to drop the city’s bid to host the Olympic Games in 2024, calling the idea “irresponsible.” Rome’s Olympic committee was hoping to change her mind but the seemingly level-headed mayor insists on not letting the city fall deeper into debt.


It’s Thursday, You Deserve Some Great Wine

The end is near, and you’re probably dreaming of that perfect bottle of vino tomorrow night. Well, Winc Monthly Wine Club just made buying and drinking wine a whole lot more fun… if that’s even possible. Eliminating the guesswork by matching you with personalized wine recommendations, Winc allows you to try new bottles of wine risk-free and provides complimentary shipping for orders of four or more bottles. Answer six simple questions about what you like to eat and drink, and Winc will match you up with wine we hope you’ll love.


A Daily Show reporter asked Trump supporters for insights into Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. What they claim to know is both hilarious and terrifying.

Hillary Clinton’s trustworthiness has become the laughingstock of one Florida congressional race.

Stephen Colbert schools Donald Trump Jr. on everything that is wrong with his Skittles tweet.


Data Leak Reveals North Korea Only Has 28 Websites

North Koreans could really use Daily Pnut. Thanks to an error by a government tech worker, the world now has a rare glimpse into the online resources available in the DPRK, and trust us, the pickins’ are slim. With only 28 registered domains, the few North Koreans who even get to use the DPRK’s own version of the internet will never know our hilarity. Instead, they have headlines that are worse than Facebook’s sponsored ads. How many times can a citizen read “Kim Jong-un sends birthday spreads to veteran scholars” before the news begins to feel redundant? However, they almost broke the internet with their story titled “Narcotic-related crimes increase among South Korean youngsters.” With that kind of hard-hitting journalism, it’s hard to imagine anyone wanting more than 28 domains.

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: