August 26, 2016

The Turkish Tornado And Italy Races Against Time


The Oregon State Fair offers more than just a ferris wheel and funnel cake. It will now be home to marijuana growing contest! Bring your prize-winning pot to Oregon and you could earn some green.


Turkey Enters Syria Because Things Weren’t Deadly Enough

Turkey’s foray into North-Eastern Syria quickly descended into a Mexican standoff less than 24 hours after it began. Turkey increased its troop presence in the town it captured on the border and threatened Kurdish forces, demanding that they withdraw from the Turkish border or face a fight. So just to give a quick recap on the East Syrian situation:

  • Turkey and the Kurds are at war.
  • The Kurds and ISIS are at war.
  • ISIS and Turkey are at war.

No one move or we all die. The fear is that Turkey’s Syrian intervention will end up being a much bigger, more drawn out affair than previously expected which could make the Syrian Civil War even worse. Something we didn’t think was possible.

Good Read: Our Summary Of The Syrian Civil War

Italy Races Against Small Window Of Time

About 5,000 rescue workers are combing through rubble in central Italy right now, yet hope for more survivors is fading quickly. The region has suffered hundreds of aftershocks since the 6.2-magnitude quake struck, with one tremor reaching a magnitude of 4.3, sending rescuers fleeing from already weakened structures. Over 300 people are currently being treated while rescuers and volunteers continue to look for people trapped under the rubble. At time of writing, the death toll has reached 250 people.


Burkinis Move From The Beach To The Courthouse

Leave it to the French to take fashion a little too seriously. The “burkini ban” could soon reach France’s highest administrative court, because not enough men have weighed in on how women should dress. Prime Minister Manuel Valls weighed in on the debate, backing the mayors who had banned the modest swimwear in the first place. Valls said the burkini represented the “enslavement of women,” failing to see the irony that the government is still the entity decreeing how women can dress.

Mylan Makes Amends With An EpiPen Discount

Thanks to mass outrage from patients, lawmakers and the general public, Mylan NV is slowly backpedaling on their price hike of EpiPen. Since Mylan acquired the emergency allergy injection in 2007, the price of EpiPen has skyrocketed from $100 to $600. It also didn’t look great when Mylan CEO Heather Bresch’s total compensation went from $2,453,456 to $18,931,068 – a 671% raise – the same time the price of the emergency drug increased by 400%. Mylan is now saying that it would reduce the out-of-pocket costs. The list price will stay the same, but Mylan will increase the maximum copay assistance program from $100 to $300 for patients who pay in cash or who are covered by a commercial health insurer.

Federal Reserve To Figure Out Why They Can’t Figure Out Economy

Some eyes are on Jackson Hole, Wyoming this weekend as Federal Reserve officials gather for their annual retreat aka Coachella for Central Bankers. Fed Chairwoman Janet Yellen is giving a speech today on whether the economy is strong enough to handle a rate rise eight years after the onset of the financial crisis. Anti-Fed activist coalition “Fed Up” will be joining the Central Bankers at the retreat in an attempt to make the case for why rates should stay low and that the Fed should increase its diversity. Things are already off to a rocky start for them as the hotel that’s supposed to host them cancelled their rooms… Whoops?


Drinking: First climate change came for our icebergs, now it comes for our wine?! Due to a chilly spring and an intensely hot summer, French wine production is likely to be 10% lower this year than in 2015.

And Not Driving: The world’s first self-driving taxis are picking up passengers in Singapore. Beating Google, Uber and other companies in this race, nuTonomy, an autonomous vehicle software startup, is the first to offer rides to the public.


‘Cocks Not Glocks’ Is The New ‘Make Love Not War’

It’s hard to make friends at a new school sometimes. Fortunately, student activists at the University of Texas at Austin are passing around dildos to act as 12-inch icebreakers to get the students talking about campus laws. A group called Cocks Not Glocks is giving realistically sculpted rubber companions to the student body, asking people to carry them in protest against the state’s “campus carry” law. The university allows registered gun owners to bring their weapons to class, yet it’s still technically illegal for people to bring a dildo to campus. Cocks Not Glocks has distributed more than 5,000 dildos in the past five days, donated by sex shops, giving activist a new weapon of choice.



Yesterday we accidentally said that there was an earthquake in Malaysia in the headline of one of our blurbs. The earthquake was actually in Myanmar as mentioned in the body of the article. We apologize for any confusion or angst this might have caused.

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: