Sarkozy Returns And Clinton Has More Emails

PNUT GALLERY

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 IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Sarkozy Is Back And Wants To Give You ‘Everything’

Not one to wait until Thursday to throw it back, former French President Nicolas Sarkozy announced that he would throw his hat in the ring to be the next French President in 2017. Sarkozy lost to Francois Hollande of the Socialist Party who has presided over affairs with his lover on a scooter, anemic economic growth, multiple terrorist attacks despite a dramatic expansion of the surveillance state and a State of Emergency, the rise of the Far Right and a general sense of “je ne sais quoi” in the country. Sarkozy is not without his own interesting track record. The Napoleon-sized leader (in height and ego) is famous for his controversial response to riots against police brutality in French ghettos, throwing a fancy dinner party on the night of his election victory, frequent yacht trips and “surprising” his allies by telling them he started bombing Libya in 2011. Sarkozy promises to give France “everything,” which luckily is the title of his upcoming book! #weekendreads

#pnut4prez: Did We Mention Her Emails?

Good news for Republicans who are hoping voters are still on the fence: the 15,000 emails that were recovered by the FBI from Hillary Clinton will now be made public just a few weeks before Election Day. Now you last minute swing-voters will have a bit of light reading while you wait in line to cast your ballot. Of course, there’s no telling what these emails could reveal. Clinton’s use of private email while in the State Department has already been a thoroughly investigated topic, especially its potential role in the Benghazi attacks. The Republican-led House committee that spent two years and 800 pages on the topic also offered no new evidence, but why not keep digging…

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

Ethiopia’s Olympic Star Desperate To Leave Ethiopia

Ethiopia’s Olympic silver medallist Feyisa Lilesa sent shockwaves across social media when he raised his hands in an “x” symbol as he finished the race – a gesture made by Ethiopia’s Oromo people who have suffered from brutal police crackdowns. Now, a crowd-funding campaign is underway to help Lilesa seek asylum, and it has already raised more than $40,000. Lilesa said he fears he will be killed if he goes back to the country, but the Ethiopian government insists that they’ll welcome him as a hero. That being said, state media has refused to show photos of him crossing the finish line so it might be hard to celebrate the hero if nobody saw him finish.

Illegal Americans Arrive In Canada Weary, Hungover

The election isn’t for another few months and Americans are already finding their escape routes to Canada. An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally washed up on the safe Canadian shores after strong winds unexpectedly blew them across the St. Clair River into Sarnia, Ontario. The 1,500 migrants had originally meant to participate in the annual Port Huron Float Down in Michigan, but drunken merriment on the seas quickly turned to windswept confusion. The high winds carried rafts full of drunk migrants to various points of Ontario’s coast, meaning they had to be rescued by the Sarnia police, OPP, the Canadian Coast Guard, Canada Border Service Agency and employees from a nearby chemical company, Lanxess Canada. Americans were heard shouting “God bless Canada!” and “Thank you, Canada!” during the rescue, though Canada insists on sending them back.

Al-Mahdi: Is It Too Late Now To Say Sorry… To Mankind?

At the opening of his trial for war crimes in The Hague, Ahmad al-Mahdi didn’t hold back his remorse. Not only did he apologize to Mali, but he also apologized to all of “mankind” for destroying the ancient religious monuments in Timbuktu. In total, al-Mahdi admitted to handling the destruction of a mosque, nine mausoleums and the shrines to some of the 333 saints that the city was once known for. These crimes went down back in 2012 when Timbuktu was under al-Qaeda control. Although this case breaks new ground for the ICC, some critics are annoyed that The Hague is trying people for destroying cultural landmarks instead of several cases of murder, rape and torture that also took place that year.

KEEPING OUR EYE ON 

Nein Means Nein: A Berlin court convicted model Gina-Lisa Lohfink of making false rape allegations, fining her €20,000. A video showing Lohfink saying “no” before having sex with two men appeared on the internet, and yet that still wasn’t enough to convince the court she meant “no.”

Shopping Spree: Investors are worried after Bank of Japan nearly doubled its purchases of Tokyo shares, a move that could allow the central bank to dominate the financial markets. Bank of Japan’s buying spree will make it harder for investors to sift good companies from bad and could lead to price distortions across the country.

Showing Off: Iran’s Defense Minister Hossein Deghan criticized Russia for publicizing the recent raids on Syria from their airbase, saying Russia had exhibited a “show-off” attitude. Both countries say that Russia is no longer using Iran’s airbase to bomb Syria for now.

 LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Mexican President Pulled A ‘Melania’

The next time Melania Trump feels bad about her plagiarism controversy, she could always seek comfort and empathy from Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, provided she hasn’t built a wall between them. Mexican news site Aristegui Noticias published a report that claims almost 29% of President Nieto’s 1991 law thesis had been directly lifted from other authors without crediting them. Nieto has since admitted to a few “style errors,” but according to the report, 197 of 682 paragraphs in the thesis were copied from other authors. We guess Melania really is a top influencer in style.