Part II Of The RNC Wasn’t That Bad For A Sequel

PNUT GALLERY

There is a tiny Irish island that wants to open its doors to refugees, but not the ones you’d expect…

IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Part II Of The RNC Was Decent For A Sequel

Well, we knew this day would come. Donald Trump is the official Republican nominee. After a less-than-suspenseful roll call last night, the Republican Party formally named The Donald as their champion in November’s main event. His kids were there to celebrate, as the audience swooned over Donald Jr. and Tiffany’s personal anecdotes of Trump doing “dad” things …like calling them on the phone. Typical dad. 

Did They Make America Work Again?

While that was meant to be last night’s theme, the only job people seemed to talk about was Hillary’s. New Jersey Governor and rejected Springsteen fan Chris Christie focused exclusively on Hillary’s time on the job, while Ben Carson delivered a confusing speech that suggested Clinton indirectly likes Lucifer. Sure, we want America to work again, but maybe we should start with the speechwriters. 

Turkey Supports Its Local Thought Police

As part of its crackdown on citizens allegedly sympathetic to last week’s attempted coup, Turkey’s Education Ministry announced that it revoked the licenses of 21,000 teachers. In a manner reminiscent of McCarthyism on speed, thousands are losing their jobs thanks to anonymous tips, creating a witch hunt to find out who has ever said anything nice about Fethullah Gulen, the cleric being blamed for the coup. So far, a total of 49,337 public sector workers have lost their jobs and that number is expected to rise. 

Special Pnut: In Case You Missed The Coup, Here Is What Went Down

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

IMF Wants To Remind You That Brexit Was A Bad Idea

Just as Brexit was slowly fading away from the headlines, the IMF brought it back with a friendly reminder that global growth will be negatively impacted due to Britain’s desire to “take back its country.” The IMF, that bearer of bad news and worse fortune, slashed the forecasted global growth rate down 0.1% to 3.1%, showing that Brexit would be bad for everyone. Meanwhile, pro-Brexit campaigner and current Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson was grilled at a joint press conference with John Kerry over a “rich thesaurus” of insulting things he’s said about world leaders, including President Obama.  

Germany’s Neo-Nazi Fringe Groups Are Breaking Up

Now that the far-right AfD party ditched some of its neo-Nazi members in an attempt to get mainstream, Pegida is hoping to replace them as the crazy right-wing party everyone loves to hate. Pegida is a protest movement composed of anti-Islamic, anti-immigrant, anti-happiness folk that supported the AfD party for its Eurosceptic platform, but were kept at an arm’s length for appearing too extreme. Pegida thinks it will have better luck creating their own party that’s even farther to the right of AfD. But don’t worry, Lutz Bachmann – the Pegida leader convicted of inciting racial hatred for calling refugees “cattle” and “scum” – promised not to run for office. Even Pegida knows that nominating a racist name-caller is a bad idea. 

African Union Pretends Their Invite Was Lost In The Mail

Nothing says “this ceasefire is working” quite like a 12,000-strong UN peacekeeping force wanting to intervene. South Sudan’s government is opposing the deployment of the African Union, a regional peacekeeping effort comprised of soldiers from Ethiopia, Sudan, Rwanda, Kenya and Uganda, yet the “ceasefire” doesn’t seem to be going so well. Tensions between supporters of President Salva Kiir and supporters of Vice-President Riek Machar had the UN fearing an outbreak of another civil war. Usually the AU only sends forces to a country that invited them, but theoretically they could enter any country against the government’s wishes if they deem it necessary. 

KEEPING OUR EYE ON…

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Woman Fills In Crossword, Ruining $88k Artwork

What’s an eight-letter word for epic mistake? The Neues Museum in Nuremberg, Germany was displaying a 1965 piece from artist Arthur Koepcke that looks a lot like a crossword puzzle. When a 91-year-old woman saw the piece of art worth $88,000, she reportedly “got confused due to the interactivity of the museum’s other artifacts” and decided to complete the unfinished masterpiece. In her defense, Koepcke’s work was as inviting as the crosswords in the back of an in-flight magazine. This is why we use glass cases. 

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