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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
DNC Day Two: Less Chaos More #History
Things were slightly less chaotic on the second day of the DNC in Philly with fewer chants to lock up Hillary or disruptions from Bernie diehards. The Democratic Party made history by officially anointing Hillary Clinton the first female nominee of a major party in the United States, 96 years after women were legally allowed to vote. And to think, the city-state of San Marino has only had 17 female heads of state. We aren’t that far behind.
Former US President and aspiring First Spouse Bill Clinton took the stage to a standing ovation and kept the swoons coming by reflecting on his early days with Hillary Rodham. Bill said it took him three proposals to convince her to marry him. He would have had an easier time with Congress. His speech touched upon Hillary’s earliest work, conveying her lifelong commitment to social causes. It was a bit of a lengthy stream of consciousness, but it had its moments of endearment.
France Mourning Gruesome Murder Of Beloved Priest
France is reeling from the murder of Father Jacques Hamel, an 84-year-old priest as a result of yet another ISIS attack in the country. While Fr. Jacques was delivering a morning Mass at St-Etienne-du-Rouvray, two attackers stormed the church and slit his throat before the congregation. The attackers then took four parishioners hostage before being shot by police. Three of those hostages were unharmed while one remains in critical condition. The attacker’s identities have not been revealed, though witnesses said they claimed ISIS affiliation. The ISIS-linked Amaq news agency also referred to them as ISIS soldiers in their report. It has emerged that at least one of the killers was being monitored by police for trying to reach Syria in the past.
Apple reported lower revenue for the second straight quarter in a row, which was to be expected as the company has largely run out of people to sell iPhones to. The company reported $42.4 billion in revenue on the back of 40.4 million iPhone sales, more than the population of Algeria. Apple did surpass fairly low expectations, though, and its stock jumped more than 6% in after hours trading. Still no news on any iCar…
Aussie Kids Terrified Of GITMO Summer Camp
Many Australian parents feel spanking children is bad enough, so the country’s idea of a juvenile detention center comes as a real surprise. Images have surfaced of detained children being bound, hooded and abused in a manner comparable to Abu Ghraib or Guantanamo Bay. After the grim footage was broadcast on the ABC show Four Corners, Australians demanded an investigation into Don Dale, the children’s detention center in the Northern Territory. Indigenous people make up 96% of the young prison population. While many families of the young inmates intend to sue Don Dale for mistreatment, it turns out the chairs that were used to bound and torture wayward teens were “approved restraints” under laws passed by the Northern Territory government. So if you’re a kid in Australia, maybe don’t miss curfew.
Peacekeeping Base In Somalia Attacked
Suicide bombers killed at least 13 people and injured another 12 in Mogadishu yesterday. Two car bombs went off at the front gates of the African Union’s peacekeeping base, targeting security personnel. The Islamist militant group Al Shabaab is taking credit for this one. Despite their name meaning “the youth” they’re not exactly a bunch of fun-loving kids. Al Shabaab frequently targets African Union forces in an effort to topple Somalia’s Western-backed government. The African Union supports Somalia’s government and army with additional personnel, mainly from Uganda, Kenya and Ethiopia.
Malawi: President Peter Mutharika has ordered the arrest of Eric Aniva, a sex worker who claimed he was paid to have sex with children as part of “initiation rites.” The nation was outraged after Aniva was interviewed in a BBC feature, where he admitted to lying to his clients about his HIV positive status.
Clones: Good news, clones. Turns out cloning doesn’t incur premature aging, as previously thought. When Dolly the Sheep died young, scientists wondered if it had to do with her weird-science origins. But now that Dolly’s clones are still healthy in their old age, researchers no longer see premature aging as a probable genetic defect, arguing that clones can age just like a naturally born sheep.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Save the Date: Insane Clown Posse Announces March on Washington
During the closing concert of the 17th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos on Saturday, Insane Clown Posse frontman Joe “Violent J” Bruce announced plans to march on Washington DC in 2017. The rally would begin at the Lincoln Memorial and finish at the Washington Monument, where ICP fans (better known as Juggalos) would take to the stage to deliver speeches about what the group means to them. Juggalos have had a rough time dealing with the government lately, as the FBI included them in the 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment report, calling ICP fans a “loosely organized hybrid gang.” Even so, we wish ICP luck with its march and hope that there will be plenty of Faygo to go around.