June 28, 2016

SCOTUS Breaks An Impasse, Brexit Woes Continue




Can President Obama name all the direwolves from Game of Thrones? He’s not sure, which is why it’s one of his “Five Things that are Harder than Registering to Vote.”


SCOTUS Isn’t Worried About A ‘Texit’

In a dramatic ruling, the US Supreme Court threw out a Texas abortion access law that would have shuttered most of the clinics in the state. The 5-3 decision is being hailed as a historic victory and one of the most significant decisions from the Supreme Court on abortion in two decades. It sets a precedent that will deter other states from passing so-called “clinic shutdown” laws. Sure, Brexit has inspired Republican delegates to envision a “Texit” and even include hints of secession in their party’s platform, but historians are reminding the Lone Star statesmen that it’s legally impossible. They’re just going to have to listen to SCOTUS. 

What does this mean for the upcoming election?

Since Justice Scalia’s death in February, the fate of the Supreme Court has hung in the balance. Senate Republicans have refused to act on Obama’s nomination of Judge Merrick Garland, leaving the court with eight justices who, until today, couldn’t agree on anything. Yet, yesterday’s ruling shows that even if Republicans were to pick the next Supreme Court Justice, the court would still have a five-justice majority to rule against abortion restrictions. And if Hillary Clinton were to win, that left-leaning majority would only grow.

Pnut Read: An Introduction To Merrick Garland, Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

EU Leaders To UK: New Phone, Who Dis?

Waking up from its massive Brexit hangover, the UK is feeling snubbed by their old drinking buddies who have every reason to be offended. The leaders of Germany, France and Italy have all insisted that the European Union won’t be holding informal talks with the UK until it triggers Article 50 to officially leave the EU. Not only is the UK no longer invited to sit at Angela Merkel’s lunch table, but the British Labour Party continues to lose friends, as well, as party deputy Tom Watson is now challenging party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s handling of the campaign.

A spike in racist attacks on Muslims and Poles in the wake of Brexit might make it harder to make new friends, and they certainly couldn’t buy friends if they wanted to. The British pound is now at a 31-year low, and they’ve lost their Triple-A credit rating. Well, at least they have the Welsh. 

Pnut Read: Our Summary Of Brexit, What Happened And What’s To Expect Next 


Erdogan Hopes It’s Not Too Late To Say Sorry

Few were surprised when Turkish President Erdogan was initially too stubborn to apologize for downing a Russian military jet on the Turkey-Syria border last November. Even fewer were surprised when Russia’s Vladimir Putin, also quite a stubborn guy, didn’t take kindly to that and responded by imposing trade sanctions and suspending Russian package tours to Turkey. But maybe Erdogan isn’t such a stubborn guy after all! It only took him eight months to say “whoops, my bad” and end this needless trouble. Be it those sanctions or that Erdogan just finally got around to it amidst his busy schedule, the Kremlin confirmed yesterday that Erdogan has in fact apologized and stressing that Russia is a friend. Who knows, maybe Putin will have yet another romantic mural to boast. 

Spain: Perhaps Third Time’s The Charm?

After going to the polls for a second time on Sunday, Spain still seems far away from being able to form a government. Despite winning the most number of seats, the conservative Popular Party still can’t form a coalition out of the four-way split in parliament. The Socialist Party PSOE rejected an offer to form a coalition government — the far-left Podemos party is too ideologically far from PP and the smallest pro-business party is, well, too small. Another European election that, perhaps, should be re-run? 

China Is Sick Of Dalai Lama Being Everybody’s Pal

The Chinese government has become that friend who blacklists anyone just for talking to their ex. First Obama had to schedule their meetings in private, now Lady Gaga could be banned for hanging out with the Tibetan Buddhist leader. Although the Dalai Lama no longer seeks an independent Tibet so much as he campaigns for autonomy, outrage spread across mainland China that he got to hang with the beloved pop star who is arguably the largest Western act in the country. The duo spoke at a US conference for mayors where they lectured mayors on how best to be a mayor, although neither of them are or ever will be mayors. If Lady Gaga gets banned from performing in China she’ll join the ranks of Bon Jovi, Selena Gomez, Maroon 5 and several others who were blacklisted last year just for hanging out with His Holiness. 


Nigeria: Four days after the deadly attack on their convoy, the seven mining workers who were kidnapped in Nigeria were released. The men, who worked for an Australian mining company, were attacked by gunmen on Wednesday. 

Pope: Once again, The Cool Pope™ doubled down on his brand, saying that Christians owe an apology to the LGBT community and others who have been offended or exploited by the church. Many have hailed his latest statement as a breakthrough in the church’s tone toward homosexuality.

Egypt: French authorities have opened up the investigation into the missing EgyptAir flight MS804. Investigators said they have no reason to believe the crash was “terrorism” and have thus launched a manslaughter inquiry.


Iceland Jumps On The Boat To Trail England

Not afraid to kick a man when he’s down, Iceland beat England in yesterday’s Euros tournament. This makes it the second time in a week England has had to leave Europe behind. At least an Icelandic sailing holiday company has offered to cheer up England’s players by taking them on a free whale-watching day-trip. The vacation company said it was the polite thing to do, “as a bandage for wounded pride.” 


Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: