May 26, 2016

Email Scandals And Prisoner Swaps

 

 

PNUT GALLERY

Well, that didn’t take long. Just days after a US drone strike killed Taliban leader Mullah Mansoor, the Afghan Taliban elected a new class president: Mullah Haibatullah Akhundzada

 

IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

#pnut4prez: Chillary Can’t Catch A Break

Nobody wanted to talk about it anymore. Bernie Sanders didn’t even want to talk about it anymore. But here we are, and it looks like Hillary Clinton’s email problems are here to stay. The US State Department Inspector General concluded that Hillary Clinton failed to comply with the agency’s policies by using a personal email server that was never approved by agency officials. The report also argues that Clinton should have surrendered all emails dealing with State Department business before leaving office. No word yet on whether she’ll release her browser history and Twitter DMs but we’re sure she’ll be asked that soon enough.

Exactly how long will we be talking about this?

Clinton has long maintained that she had permission to use her personal email. A report that argues otherwise will be an easy talking point for an opponent like Donald Trump, who has run out of tolerable talking points. This won’t be going away anytime soon. 

#pnut4prez: Our Guide to the Campaign Trail

 

Russia Releases Ukrainian Pilot In Prisoner Swap

Nadiya Savchenko, the Ukrainian pilot who became a national symbol of resistance while detained in a Russian prison, was released yesterday in exchange for two intelligence operatives. Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko joined her in Kiev where she gave an impassioned speech full of jibes at Russia. Savchenko sarcastically thanked those who “wished her evil,” saying “through you, I survived.” We’re glad to see two years in a prison didn’t ruin her sense of humor. 

Pnut Read: Everything you need to know about Vladimir Putin

 

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

EU Manages To Extend Greek Debt Crisis At Least Two More Years

After another late night session, Greece and the Eurogroup agreed to a new bailout deal that would give Greece $11.5 billion. Most of the money would be used to pay off old bailouts which only sounds like throwing good money after bad money because it is. In return, Greece a country suffering from a depression, will undergo more budget cuts, ensuring it gets an even deeper recession. Very productive. Meanwhile, the contentious issue of writing off Greek debt was delayed until 2018 when everyone who agreed to this deal will, hopefully, be long retired. In fact, the deal was so bad even the IMF didn’t want any part of it. Good news? At least it wasn’t as contentious as last year’s negotiation.

 

China Calls Taiwan Leader Radical For Being Single

The Chinese Communist Party’s official newswire is dealing with a flood of criticism after claiming that Tsai Ing-wen, Taiwan’s first female president, was “extreme.” Her radical activity? Being a single woman. “As a single female politician, she does not have the emotional burden of love, of family or children. So her political style and strategy tend to be emotional, personalized and extreme,” mused Wang Weixing, a Beijing official who works in Taiwan relations. Not exactly diplomatic finesse. 

 

Fears Grow Over Nigeria’s ‘Tomato Ebola’

Nigeria’s northern Kaduna state has declared a state of emergency due to a tomato crisis. Thanks to a moth called Tuta absoluta, disease has spread and destroyed the crop that is a staple of Nigerian cuisine. The region has already lost millions of dollars from lost production and wholesale baskets of tomatoes are now going for N42,000, or $212. This emergency comes on the heels of Nigeria’s recent fuel shortage crisis and an ongoing battle with inflation. And if the timing wasn’t bad enough, Spain has already begun promoting its La Tomatina Festival, where the city of Brunol supplies party goers with 170 tons of tomatoes for a massive food fight. Nigerians went on Twitter to say that tomato-wasting party pictures might be in bad taste. 

 

KEEPING OUR EYE ON…

Cuba: The government announced it will legalize small and medium-sized private businesses. President Raul Castro’s latest reforms are expected to further improve the country’s fledgling relationship with the US and open Cuba up to foreign investment.

Italy: An embankment collapsed in Florence yesterday, taking away local water supplies and at least 20 cars with it. No injuries were reported, but the bizarre looking ditch now runs parallel to an otherwise scenic River Arno.  

Germany: Pegida, the obnoxious anti-Islam street movement, is now protesting the use of Black and Middle Eastern children on the packaging of Germany’s iconic Kinder chocolates. A low reach, even for them. 
 

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Customs Officer Finds Burritos Full Of Meth, But No Guac

You can imagine the customs officer’s disappointment to find a burrito without any guacamole. Even more annoying: the burrito was stuffed with meth. US Customs and Border Protection in Arizona said their narcotic-detecting canines helped catch a woman transporting more than a pound of methamphetamine in her otherwise delicious burritos. The case has since been turned over to Homeland Security. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: