May 05, 2016

Australia Wants To Give Fish Herpes

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but now a lot of them will have herpes. Australia is very particular about its eco-system, so much so that Johnny Depp’s lapdogs created country-wide panic. Well now there is another small defenseless creature the Aussies are after: carp. In an impassioned yet bizarre speech, Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce announced that Parliament’s plan to get rid of the “disgusting, bottom-dwelling, mud-sucking creatures” was to unleash a form of the herpes virus on them. The plan to infect the fish with cold sores is costing the government AUD $15 million ($11.4 million) and is effective immediately. 

Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: