LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Ted Cruz Hates Dildos So Much He Tried To Ban ThemThere was a time when Ted Cruz fought to keep sex toys illegal in Texas. We’re not kidding. He defended an anti-dildo campaign in 2003, where his legal team stated that there was no right “to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” Always focused on the issues that matter, a brief from Cruz’s office went so far as to compare the use of sex toys to “hiring a willing prostitute or engaging in consensual bigamy.” Luckily for us, Cruz’s anti-masturbation policies have compelled his former college roommate to accuse him of hypocrisy in a tweet that was major TMI. Let’s just say that in college, Cruz was known as a chronic wanker, in both the literal and figurative sense.