April 07, 2016

FIFA Corrupt? Say It Ain’t So!






Missed the boat on Panama? There are still plenty of other places to hide your wealth

Totally Expected Plot Twist: Panama Papers Affects FIFAJust when you thought that things couldn’t get any worse with FIFA, they manage to surprise you. Swiss police raided the headquarters of UEFA, the governing body of European football, to seize details of a contract signed by FIFA president Gianni Infantino. According to the Panama Papers, back when Infantino was the director of legal services at UEFA, he co-signed a TV contract with two businessmen who have since been caught up in football’s global corruption scandal. This comes a few days after a member of FIFA’s “ethics” committee resigned for helping people set up offshore companies to funnel FIFA bribe money while simultaneously “investigating” those very same bribes.  GOOD READ: The Culprits Involved In The Panama Papers Netherlands To Ukraine: You Can’t Sit With UsThe pot-smoking-but-still-not-that-chill Netherlands voted in a Dutch referendum yesterday and rejected the European Union free trade deal with Ukraine. After the Panama Papers implicated Ukrainian President Poroshenko, opponents of the deal had everything they needed to convince voters to avoid the corruption among Kiev’s leadership. Geert Wilders, the anti-Islam, pro-Mozart wig, anti-EU politician called this “the beginning of the end of the European Union,” but it’s hard to believe anyone whose coiffed hair is more aerodynamic than Trump’s. 

But really, should we be concerned? Probably. While the vote is non-binding and barely passed the 30% participation threshold to be valid, the result does show the extent of Euroskepticism in Holland. Recent polls show Wilders leading the pack for next year’s election, which will only strengthen the far-right cry to dismantle the Union.

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READDaughter Of Corrupt Peruvian President Promises To Not Be As CorruptKeiko Fujimori, presidential candidate and daughter of famed war criminal Alberto Fujimori, was shocked when tens of thousands of Peruvians marched in protest of her nomination. While her dad is serving a twenty-five year jail sentence for corruption and crimes against humanity committed during his 1990-2000 government, Keiko somehow thought the family name would help garner positive attention. She was wrong. Over thirty thousand people marched in the streets of Lima, forcing her to suspend campaign before Sunday’s elections. 

Puerto Rico Freezes Its Own Debt PaymentsWith the government bank facing a $400 million payment due on May 1st, Puerto Rico Governor Alejandro Garcia Padilla signed a bill that conveniently puts the island’s debt payments on hold until 2017. Puerto Rico has been caught in a recession for nearly a decade and the freeze will not only buy the government time, but put pressure on the US to let them default under Chapter Nine much like Detroit did. Of course, that would have to get approved by Congress, so good luck with that. France’s Le Pen Fined Because He Didn’t Learn His Lesson The First TimeJean-Marie Le Pen, the controversial former leader of France’s far-right National Front Party, was found guilty and convicted for denying crimes against humanity. Decades ago, Le Pen was convicted for calling Nazi gas chambers “a detail of the history of the Second World War.” On Wednesday, he was convicted again for repeating the same idea that got him convicted the first time. Almost verbatim, he referred to the Nazi gas chambers as mere “details” and once again, was fined 30,000 euros ($34,000) for not shutting up already.  Keeping Our Eye On…
  • Merle Haggard: Country legend Merle Haggard died at age 79. He saw 8 singles reach the top of the charts in the 1960s and had an influential music career that spanned the decades.
  • The Simpsons: After twenty-seven years of pining for Mr. Burns on The SimpsonsWaylon Smithers has finally come out as gay. While it isn’t much of a surprise to Simpsons fans, the media has praised the cartoon for its mature treatment of sexuality on TV.
  • China: According to the latest report from Amnesty International, the Chinese government remains the world’s top executioner, having killed somewhere in the “thousands” in 2015. 


Antonin Scalia School Of Law Destined To Be A School For A.S.S.O.L.sWhether it’s a building or a baby, the first lesson in Naming 101 has always been to consider the acronym. George Mason University forgot that rule when they announced plans to honor the late US Supreme Court Justice by naming their law department Antonin Scalia School of Law. Could you imagine the pep rallies? Gooooo ASSOL! After the internet alerted George Mason University of how awkward (if not appropriate) the acronym sounds, the university decided to change it to Antonin Scalia Law School. Too bad, because “Proud parent of an ASSOL student” would have made a great a bumper sticker. 

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