March 15, 2016

Putin Pulls Out And Turkey Wants Revenge



March 15, 2016  /  SUBSCRIBE


Make your Tuesday even more Super by following us on Twitter where our Managing Editor will tweet US Election updates. We think she’s funny. In the meantime, confused about what a brokered convention is? Let us try to add clarity.


Putin Says He Pulls Out But Everyone Is Skeptical  Russian President Vladimir Putin never struck us as the type of guy to pull out, but he surprised everyone yesterday by announcing his plan to withdraw forces from Syria. In a phone call with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, Putin said that his military intervention achieved its objectives. A gradual reduction of Russia’s military is expected to begin today.  What does this mean? Many diplomats are saying they’ll believe it when they see it. Putin has made similar concessions in the past that never quite materialized. It’s not clear if the ceasefire will suffer from Putin withdrawal, since many of the breaches to the ceasefire were attributed to Russian activity in the first place. Putin has yet to give a formal deadline for the withdrawal process to conclude, so we can still expect a military presence to exist on the ground.  Turkey Thinks The Kurds ‘Definitely Maybe’ Were Involved In BombingAlthough no group has claimed responsibility for the attack that killed 37 people in Ankara, Turkish Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoglu said that he was “almost certain” it was the Kurdistan Worker’s Party, or PKK, behind the bombing. Fortunately, investigators are relying on little more than Davutoglu’s spidey-senses and are continuing to collect DNA samples in hopes of identifying perpetrators. So far, 11 people have been detained in connection with the attack, but no formal connections to political groups have been made.


Serbia Casually Finds Two Hellfire Missiles On A Passenger Flight“Checked bags” don’t always live up to their name. An Air Serbia flight is investigating an incident in which two Hellfire Missiles (as deadly as their name suggests) were found in the hold of a passenger flight from Lebanon (in the Middle East) to Portland, OR via Serbia (no, this isn’t a Tom Clancy novel). The Lebanese Army claims they were on the plane for “training” purposes… but still, there has to be a better way to transfer missiles than the way we transfer dirty vacation clothing.  Other Lost Missile Read: That Time The US Accidentally Sent A Missile To Cuba The Chinese Use Trump To Prove Democracy Doesn’t WorkSome might say that Donald Trump is a threat to American democracy, but they clearly aren’t giving him enough credit: he could be a threat to Chinese democracy too. China’s state-owned Global Times published an article that presents Trump as proof of democracy’s failure. The article uses the clash at Trump’s cancelled rally in Chicago as Exhibit A, and although it might be propaganda, it doesn’t exactly help the prospects for democratic rule in China.

Urine Trouble: Kellogg’s Employee Caught Pissing On FoodWarning: don’t read this if you’ve eaten a Rice Krispies Treat in the last two years. It is already too late for you, and it’s better you go through life not knowing what you may have consumed. The world watched in horror when a video surfaced of a Kellogg’s employee relieving himself onto an assembly line that normally carries materials that are slightly less fresh. The FDA has opened up a criminal investigation to probe the situation that they believe took place in 2014. Kellogg’s has already admitted that their Rice Krispies Treats may have been affected.  Keeping Our Eye On…
  • Todd Palin: The husband of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was hospitalized after a serious injury from a snow machine crash. Sarah Palin has cancelled her campaigning for Donald Trump while her husband is in intensive care. 
  • Yemen: Two air force pilots from the UAE were killed when their warplane crashed in Yemen. Local news agencies are blaming the crash on a “technical malfunction” but that claim is impossible to verify independently. 
  • Happy Salmon: After nearly two centuries away and multiple failed restoration programs, wild Atlantic Salmon eggs have been discovered in the Connecticut River system. Congrats to the happy spawners! 


Marco Rubio Gets Accused Of Stealing A Man’s Girlfriend Marco Rubio can’t win a state in the primaries, but he can sure win your girlfriend’s heart. The Florida Senator was heckled during a campaign event in his home state, and things got personal. Taking attention away from the stage, the clearly heartbroken man solicited laughs at first, until he described how his girlfriend doesn’t love him anymore (somehow mistaking the event for a taping of Dr. Phil). The video shows police escorting the soon-to-be-single gentleman out while the audience cheered Marco’s name. Honestly, we didn’t think he had it in him. 


Daily Pnut CEO Discovers Benefits Of Sleep Look, I enjoy sleeping. It’s probably my favorite time of the day, I don’t have to interact with other people, and it’s a great excuse to avoid working (or exercising). Being an “entrepreneur” means I’ve had to spend the last few months on a variety of couches, trains and air mattresses. After a few months, I got fed up and decided to buy a mattress. I asked around and decided to buy a Casper mattress — my friends raved about it, it was easy to buy, had a 100-day free return period and was cheaper than competitors. I was sold. GOOD SLEEP: Get Better Sleep And $50 Off Your Casper Mattress Using Code PNUT 

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