February 18, 2016

Turkey vs. Kurds, Apple vs. FBI






“The human tragedy that is forced migration is a global phenomenon today.”
—Pope Francis during his trip to the US Mexico border yesterday



Syrian Civil War Reaches Turkey (Again) A terrorist attack targeting military personnel in the Turkish capital of Ankara killed 28 people, threatening to draw Turkey deeper into the Syrian Civil War. Turkey’s PM Ahmet Davutoglu blamed Syrian Kurdish militants for the attack. 

What will happen now?
Turkey will intensify its war against the Kurds. The damage to predominantly Kurdish towns in Turkey like Cizre is already severe (see here), with attacks claiming many lives on both sides of the conflict. Meanwhile, the Turkish military has been shelling US-backed Kurds in Syria for the past few days and a proposed ground invasion into Syria by Turkey and Saudi Arabia is increasingly likely… whatever happened to that ceasefire? 

GOOD READ: Pnut’s Summary Of The Syrian Civil War
Apple: Just Try Guessing ‘0000’ As The Password Like Everyone Else Apple squared off with the FBI yesterday after a court ordered the company to help the FBI crack the iPhone of one of the San Bernardino shooters. Apple said it would fight the court order, as any “backdoor” entry would compromise security for all users. The FBI said it didn’t want to access all iPhones (that’s the NSA’s job), but that it just wanted access to this one iPhone… that’s owned by a terrorist. Tweet at us (using your iPhone?), and let us know where you stand on this issue. 



Too Big To Fail, Too Big To Break up?Step aside Bernie Sanders, because there is a new kid in town who wants to break up the “too big to fail” banks. The Federal Reserve of Minneapolis’ new President Neel Kashkari gave the strictest anti-big bank vision to date, calling for big banks to be broken up or turned into public utilities. And Neel is no “Democratic Socialist from Vermont.” He comes from Goldman and PIMCO and orchestrated the bank bailouts in 2008/2009. Be afraid banks, be very afraid. 

Venezuela Raises Fuel Price 6000% For ‘Balance’In an effort to stem the widening economic crisis, Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro has devalued the currency and raised the price of fuel by 6000%. Maduro believes that “this is a necessary measure, a necessary action to balance things,” because pulling numbers out of the air is apparently how you find your center. It will most likely be ineffective because fuel is heavily subsidized, filling your tank in Caracas will still cost less than a soft drink. Try to wrap your head around that math problem.

#pnut4prez: Marco Rubio – Everyone’s Favorite Second Choice
Two days to go until the Republican South Carolina primary, and Donald Trump still dominates the Republican field. A Bloomberg poll put him at 36% with his nearest rival, Ted Cruz, at 17%. Establishment favorite Marco Rubio was the most popular second choice candidate, though, which means if Bush/Kasich ever drop out he can consolidate a formidable establishment alternative to Trump (he recently got Governor Nikki Haley’s endorsement). 

Keeping Our Eye On…

  • Prehistoric Netflix And Chill: Scientists think humans and Neanderthals might have been having sex about 100,000 years ago. We (and the scientists) are not sure what this means but felt like sharing it anyway. 
  • Manny Pacquiao: Nike terminated its deal with the boxing great after he described homosexuals as “worse than animals.”
  • Cuba:  According to multiple diplomatic sources, President Obama is expected to visit Cuba in the next month. Although Obama has not officially announced the trip, expect vocal opposition from conservative parties.


Oregon Militia Causes Shitstorm… Literally Even though the militia left, their presence still lingers. While inspecting the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, FBI investigators found “a significant amount of human feces” left on sensitive artifacts of the Paiute Native American Tribe. Not long after Ammon Bundy’s militia seized the refuge, members of the Paiute Tribe claimed the militia were desecrating sacred ancestral lands. FBI said they will work with Paiute members to determine if the “two large trenches” of militia waste has damaged or destroyed any artifacts. 

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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: