January 20, 2016

Netflix And Chill






“123456” is still the world’s most popular password despite years of massive hacks.  Do yourself (and your privacy) a favor by not using one of the 25 most popular passwords.



Obama To Roll Dice With SCOTUS Once Again The US Supreme Court (SCOTUS) agreed to hear a legal challenge on President Obama’s executive action to postpone deportation indefinitely for some illegal immigrants. The case could fundamentally change how Presidents use execute action to circumvent Congress, a tactic Obama heavily relied on during his second term in office and will continue relying on going forward (mainly for gun control). 

Both sides view the decision to hear the case as a minor victory. Republicans hope to bury the deportation plan and limit use of executive actions and Democrats hope to implement the plan, which was put on hold by a lesser court. 

Colombia Ends Final War Of Western Hemisphere
In a spot of good news yesterday, the Colombian government reached an agreement with communist rebel group FARC on inviting UN peacekeepers to monitor a ceasefire that could end the final war of the western hemisphere! The two sides have been at war since FARC’s founding in 1964, causing significant political turmoil (e.g. in 1990, over 70% of all Colombian presidential candidates were assassinated). Biggest winners from this announcement? The people of Colombia.



Syria: If We Don’t Invite Anyone To The Talks, They Can’t Disagree With Each Other Peace talks scheduled in Geneva on Monday (in five days) might be derailed due to a disagreement over the guest list. Saudi Arabia wants its rebel bloc (which includes radical Islamists) to be the sole representative for the opposition. Russia (pro-government) wants to invite other opposition parties, presumably to bring in the Kurds and to sow dissent among opposition groups. And you thought picking the guest list for your wedding was tough… 

PNUT READ: Our Summary Of The Syrian Civil War

‘Netflix And Chill’ Continues To Dominate Living Rooms WorldwideVideo streaming service and euphemism for modern “dating,” Netflix, posted stellar fourth quarter growth results, adding 5.6 million subscribers, bringing it to a total subscriber base of 75 million (population of Turkey). Netflix has yet to report results after opening up its service to the rest of the world on January 6. Needless to say, shares jumped ~7% after the announcement.   

#pnut4prez: Trump And Palin Create ‘Idiot’ CoalitionSarah Palin, former VP contender, conservative darling and viewer of Russia from her backyard, endorsed Donald Trump for the Republican nomination. The announcement adds a much needed tea-party boost to Trump’s campaign as he goes head to head with Cruz over conservative votes in Iowa, a state Palin has been cultivating ever since 2008. 

GOOD READ: Why The GOP Primaries Will Be Crazier Than You Think

Keeping Our Eye On…

  • Ding Dong The Jihadi Is Dead: ISIS, sometimes referred to as “porn-lovers”, confirmed the death of Jihadi John aka Mohamed Emwazi. The British terrorist often featured in beheading videos and was, thankfully, droned by the US.
  • Steven ‘Humans Are Idiots’ Hawking: Professor Stephen Hawking said that humans are at risks of scoring an “own goal” and destroying themselves through global warming or viruses or…..by being hit by blimps.
  • Progress: Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg accused Europe of “impeding progress” by excessively regulating the tech industry. Her comments come after multiple European probes into US tech companies for privacy and tax avoidance.  


I Got Blackout Last Night And Feel Pyong-tastic North Korea (aka The Hermit Kingdom aka the world’s biggest fun-sponge) has claimed that its scientists invented a hangover-free alcohol. Koryo Liquor is highly appreciated by “lovers” according to reports, is “suave“ (heh?) and causes no hangover. These are the same scientists who created the H-bomb….cured AIDS…and Ebola….and MERS.

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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: