January 11, 2016

Let’s Dance

THE WORLD IN A NUTSHELL

JANUARY 11, 2016 / SUBSCRIBE

PNUT GALLERY

Big week coming up! Can’t tell if we are more excited about Obama’s “non-traditional” State of the Union speech on Tuesday or the $1.3 billion Powerball lottery on Wednesday. What would you do with that much money?

IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ

Sean Penn: Investigative Reporter Or Undercover Crime Fighter? Every once in a while a story breaks that is so ridiculous, so mind bogglingly stupid that we really don’t have to do much to add humor except regurgitate the facts:

Last July famed Mexican drug lord, “El Chapo” Guzman, escaped from prison via a tunnel (this was the second time he escaped from prison, the first time was by hiding under dirty laundry).
US actor turned mediocre “investigative journalist” Sean Penn went down to Mexico to interview El Chapo for Rolling Stone Magazine. The interview was arranged by famous Mexican actor Kate del Castillo who got to know El Chapo by tweeting at him once (and this is true) “wouldn’t it be great if you started trafficking in love?” El Chapo sent her flowers in response with a note that we can only imagine said: “because, my dear, not enough Americans will pay money to snort love up their noses.”
Mexico’s police used Sean Penn’s movements to track down El Chapo and arrest him.
The White House, annoyed about El Chapo’s “bragging” about selling heroin in the interview, is seeking his extradition to the US.

MEDIOCRE READ: Sean Penn’s Interview With El Chapo Via Rolling Stone Magazine
Cologne Attacks Aftermath ContinuesAngela Merkel cancelled a trip to Davos as her government struggled to deal with the fallout of a mass sexual harassment attack on New Years Eve in which at least 500 women were attacked. The incidents, conducted by men of “Arabic or North African descent,” brought to the fore the debate about Germany’s lax immigration laws sparking protests and counter protests and costing the police chief his job.
What does this mean? The attack represents the most serious challenge for Ms. Merkel’s rule, forcing her to threaten deportation for refugees (many of which are males) found to be committing crimes. Already her CDU party as well as regional governments were resistant to her pro-immigration policy and they are feeling the heat from Germany’s resurgent far-right, anti-immigrant movement.

GOOD READ: How the Cologne Attacks Changed Germany Via Der Spiegel

NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ

If You Are Feeling Particularly Generous And Want To Buy Us Something Saudi’s state owned oil company, Aramco, might be going partially on sale later this year according to an Economist interview with Deputy Crown Prince Mohamed bin Salman. The company could be valued at more than $1 trillion (Apple is only $600 billion). Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the spectrum, Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion is also going on sale for a much less exciting $200 million. If you don’t want to spend so much money you can just tell your friends to sign up for the Pnut instead 🙂

ISIS Fanboy Shot In The Butt (No Really)ISIS sympathizer, Edward Archer, shot a policeman in Philadelphia on Friday. The officer survived the shooting and was able to chase after Archer, shooting him in the ass. Archer, who is from a Philly suburb, claimed to have done it for ISIS. Police are investigating whether he actually had any links to the group or was just another fanboy.

Entertainment Section: A Quick Rundown

Famed musician David Bowie died this morning, his son confirmed, after a long battle with Cancer. Bowie had just released a new album last Friday.
Leo Di Caprio swept in the Golden Globes this year with “The Revenant” winning best drama, best actor in a drama (Leo) and best director. Maybe this means Leo will finally win an Oscar this year?

QUICK READ: This Year’s Winners.

#pnut4prez: New Year, New Polls, New ProblemsThings are looking quite gloomy for Hillary Clinton as a new poll suggested that Bernie Sanders is going to be much more formidable than she previously thought. Hillary holds a narrow three-point lead over Bernie in Iowa (February 1 primary) and he leads her by four points in New Hampshire (February 9 primary). The Republicans also have a close race with Ted Cruz leading in Iowa but Donald Trump dominating in New Hampshire. T minus 19 days.

Keeping Our Eye On…

Parliaments: Egypt convened its first parliament in over three years since the previous, Islamist-dominated one was dissolved by the Supreme Court. Proceedings were disrupted by an MP who was too nostalgic of the Mubarak era.
Doctors Without Borders: The medical NGO is becoming a favored target for air raids. The group reported that a possible air strike hit their hospital in Yemen yesterday. Yemen is the victim of a Saudi-led bombing campaign.
Korea: The US Air force flexed its muscles in the Korean Peninsula yesterday when a B-52 flew over South Korea in a friendly reminder to Kim Jong Un that the US is still around. B-52’s can carry nuclear weapons.

LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT

Dude, Where Is My Missile? In one of the most colossal screw ups in modern history the US military misplaced one of its hellfire missiles (the ones that they fire from drones and helicopters) while it was en route to a training exercise in Europe. That isn’t the best part. The missing missile ended up in Cuba… of all places. The only way this could have been worse was if the missile ended up in Iran or North Korea. While, granted the missile wasn’t armed and didn’t have its tracking system installed, the loss is at the very least, quite embarrassing for the US which has been trying to get it back ever since.