What Happened While You Were Celebrating? A man turns to his wife and tells her “I feel like we are growing apart.” She turns back at him and responds “it’s because the universe is expanding.” Was that relevant? No, but there is a lot of news to get through and we thought we should start with a joke.
Markets: China set off the year on a negative note with the Shanghai exchange down almost 7% and trading halted. Sunny skies ahead?
Militias: An armed group “occupied” a federal wildlife reserve yesterday, and no it wasn’t in Iraq. The group in Oregon (that state in the northwest of the US) vowed it would stay until the government reversed a prison sentence on two of their members for arson.
Sibling Rivalry: In a bid to make the Middle East more unstable in 2016 than in 2015, Saudi Arabia (Sunni) kicked off the year with a mass execution. 47 people, including a prominent Shiite cleric, were killed. Iran (Shiite rival of Saudi) vowed “divine retribution” and protesters stormed the embassy. Saudi Arabia responded by cutting ties with Iran. This is going to be big.
Guns: Obama plans on using executive action to limit sales of guns to Americans. One idea would be to make it mandatory to sell guns through Healthcare.gov. Meanwhile, Texans celebrated the ability to carry guns openly.
More Middle East Mayhem: An Israeli Arab shot and killed two people at a bar in Tel Aviv on New Year’s Day prompting a manhunt and a warning from Bibi Netanyahu (Israel’s PM).
Islands: China landed a plane on a manmade island in the South China Sea in the diplomatic equivalent of peeing to mark your territory. The sea is disputed between 450 nations and the planet Tython.
More Sibling Rivalry: Gunmen attacked an Indian base in Kashmir just a few days after the PMs of India-Pakistan met to discuss dialing down tensions, coincidence? Probably not.
Sex Slaves: Japan and South Korea reached an accord on the recognition of abuses by the Japanese army during WWII toward women forcibly recruited as sex slaves (often referred to as “comfort women”).
Ramadi: The Iraqi Army (with the help of non-boot wearing US “advisors”) defeated ISIS in Ramadi (next to Baghdad). Some 400 ISIS fighters held off the Iraqis for about two weeks and continue to put up a counter-attack.
New Year’s Celebrations: Europe was tense this NYE with celebrations cancelled in Brussels and train stations shut down in Munich. Meanwhile, in France a man was shot while trying to drive his car into some soldiers guarding a mosque.
Toilet Paper: Mein Kampf (Hitler’s incomprehensible anti-Semitic ramblings) will be on sale in Germany for the first time since WWII. Luckily, a group of scholars are publishing an annotated version to help you understand why the book is garbage.
Eavesdropping: That awkward moment when the President accidentally spies on Congress (a no-no) when he is purposefully spying on Bibi Netanyahu. A number of conversations between Bibi and lawmakers were overheard during the Iran Accord ordeal.
Bad Jobs: If you aren’t happy going back to work at least you aren’t this Mexican Mayor who was assassinated on the first day of the job.
Light My Fire: A few hours before Dubai’s great fireworks display a skyscraper near the event caught fire in the worst case of premature pyrotechnics.
Orthodox Christmas: Not too late to buy your Russian friend a present for his or her Christmas on January 7. Consider this calendar of Vladimir Putin shirtless?
