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PNUT GALLERY
“We lost.” -Myanmar’s ruling Chairman conceding defeat to Aung San Suu Kyi’s NLD opposition party in the country’s first contested elections in 25 years.
IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
From Russia With Drugs: Doping Scandal
A report released by the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) called for Russia’s suspension from the 2016 Olympics after allegations of doping and extortion in Russian athletics. Interpol has promised a global witch-hunt/ investigation into doping athletics. Russia finished second behind the US in athletics in the 2012 London Olympics.
How did this happen?
The report showed evidence of state-sponsored involvement in doping, including the destruction of samples, “out of control” cheating by coaches and the “presence” of intelligence officers in labs. The report even says that Russian Sports Minister, Vitaly Mutko, must have been aware of the claims. Dick Pound, who chaired the report, said doping culture was a “relic of the old Soviet Union system“
Missouri Protest: Follow The Money And Get Your Way
University of Missouri’s football students hit the school where it hurts when they decided to boycott any football games until the school responded to complaints about racial bias. The University felt the pain with both the President of the University of Missouri and the Chancellor of the Columbia campus resigning yesterday. The boycott reportedly cost the University at least $1 million in football contract fees… ouch
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Attack In Jordan Leaves Five Dead
Five people, including a South African and two US trainers, were killed by a Jordanian policeman at a training center in the capital Amman yesterday. The attack came on the 10-year anniversary of a deadly triple-suicide bombing that killed 57 people. The victims of yesterday’s attack were hired by the US State Department to train Iraqi and Palestinian police forces.
President Obama Gets On The Book Of Faces
The leader of the free world (Barack Obama) launched a Facebook page today immediately amassing 300,000 likes (you can join here). Obama used the opportunity to reiterate that he was, in fact, born in Hawaii and took us on an awkward walk through the White House lawn (fun fact: it’s a national park). The White House already has a Facebook page meaning that some poor intern just got her workload doubled.
Catalonia To Spain: It’s Not You, It’s Me
Catalonia, home to Barcelona and 20% of Spain’s GDP, voted to separate from the rest of country by 2017. Like someone who doesn’t get a break-up message, Spain’s Prime Minister, Mariano Rajoy, said that “Catalonia is not going anywhere†and promised to appeal the decision in court. Catalan secession would be like Texas breaking away from the US and would give hope to the many other separatists in Europe (including the Basques, the Scots and the bulldozing separatists of Venice).
#pnut4prez: Ted Cruz Vs. Everyone
Ted Cruz took on the Republican establishment yesterday, calling Senate Majority leader (a Republican) the “most effective Democratic leader.” Cruz was furious that Sen. McConnell had worked with Democrats to fund the government (the audacity) and that he was denied a protest vote on the matter. Republicans grew so tired of Cruz’s antics that they yelled out “No!” when he tried to push his case. With friends like these…
Keeping Our Eye On…
- Croatia: Conservatives claimed victory in Croatia’s parliamentary elections but fell short of a majority needed to form a government. The victory risks shutting off another route for refugees into Europe.
- Saudi Woes: The Kingdom tapped the bond markets yesterday in a sign of the damage an aggressive foreign policy and low oil prices are having on the country’s finances.
- A Share Of Square: Payments company Square is prepping for an upcoming IPO. The company is expected to be valued at $3.9 billion, 35% lower than the valuation price of its most recent round of funding.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Indonesian Guards To Be Replaced By Crocodiles
The head of Indonesia’s Anti-Narcotics Agency, Budi Waseso, has proposed building a death-row prison island which will be guarded by crocodiles. Waseso argued that crocodiles are more effective than guards as “ they could not be bribed.” He added that there is no way one can convince a crocodile to let you escape especially as he intends to recruit the “ fiercest type of crocodile.” We checked and double-checked to verify that this story is true. It is.
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An inspiring look at those who overcome adversity when re-entering society after prison.
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Clarification: Yesterday’s Pnut implied that Aung San Suu Kyi is still under house arrest. She was released in 2010.
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