PNUT GALLERY
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IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
Dell Acquires EMC In Biggest Tech Deal Since… Forever
It took a while but Dell finally figured out that people were no longer into buying their computers. Yesterday Dell announced the largest acquisition in technology history, agreeing to buy EMC for $67 billion. The move would make Dell a big player in the “cloud” (that place where you store your naked photos for the NSA to look at). The new company would shift from making mediocre consumer laptops (and some other stuff) to making mediocre enterprise products. Wall Street stands to make a healthy chunk of change from the transaction, with fees estimated to top $700 million… at least someone will come out a winner.
Russia Foils ISIS Terror Attack On Moscow Metro
Russian police have reported arresting up to 15 men in Moscow who had plotted to commit terror attacks on the metro. The Russian Security Service said that those arrested had “participated in ISIS military training camps in Syria.†This comes after US Defense Secretary, Ash Carter, said that the country’s campaign in Syria “will have consequences for Russia itself†in terms of an increased terror threat from Islamists. You can be sure that President Putin will take full advantage of this episode to keep bombing and generally being belligerent.
 Pnut’s Nutshell on the Syrian Civil War
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Israel: More Stabbings Threaten Tenuous Peace
Five Israelis, including a 13-year-old boy, were wounded in four stabbing attacks in Jerusalem yesterday. Alarmingly, many of the attacks have been conducted by youth under the age of 18. Meanwhile, an argument between the Arab Mayor of Nazareth and an Arab Member of Knesset (MK) was caught on camera. The pair argued about the rise in violence and the general strike by Israeli Arabs set to be held today and underscores the sense of chaos gripping the country.
Playboy: That Magazine Old People Used To Look At
Most young adults have never actually “read” a Playboy magazine despite it’s near mythical status that emanates from a misogynist past. Playboy, adapting to modern times, has decided to abandon the full frontal nudity that made it famous, claiming that nudity is now “ubiquitous.” Playboy’s new magazine will mimic the “racier sections of Instagram,” which, btw, is free and less embarrassing to peruse.
#pnut4prez: Democratic Debate Prep
CNN hosts the first Democratic presidential debate of the 2016 election cycle tonight at 8:30pm in Las Vegas. In case you didn’t know (like us) there are more than two Democratic presidential candidates, we thought we’d fill you in. If you really haven’t been paying attention, Hillary Clinton is a former Secretary of State, Senator from New York and First Lady (when hubby Bill was POTUS), and Bernie Sanders is an Independent Senator from Vermont. If you have been paying attention and still think the other three are complete randos, here they are:
- Martin O’Malley: former Governor of Maryland (apparently his real job is frontman of a Celtic rock band)
- Jim Webb: former Senator from Virginia (he was once rumored to be a VP candidate for Obama back in 2008)
- Lincoln Chaffee: former Senator and Governor from Rhode Island (he only became a Dem in 2007 upon losing bid for reelection to the Senate)
*Noticeably absent… Biden.
Keeping Our Eye On…
- Unruly Parliaments: Protesters clashed with police in Kosovo yesterday after an opposition MP was arrested for setting off tear gas in parliament. The country is at odds over an agreement with Serbia over Serb dominated areas of Kosovo.
- Ankara Bombing: Turkey’s government said that ISIS was the “prime suspect” in last weekend’s attack on peace rally in the capital. Protesters weren’t convinced.
- Craft Beer: Antitrust regulators are looking into whether AB InBev was buying up distributors to make sure that your local brewer wouldn’t be able to sell their delicious brew.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Egyptian TV Host A Bit Too Excited About Russian Intervention
Ahmed Moussa, an Egyptian TV show host, gave a glowing endorsement of the Russian bombing campaign in Syria on his TV show yesterday. Only problem is, he was using video game footage. Moussa showed 10 minutes (yes, 10!) of footage from the video game “Apache: Air Assault.” The footage showed a gray first-person action shot of someone firing at what is presumably a video game terrorist and speaking in a perfect American accent (because apparently Russians are trained in Texas). During the 10-minute segment, Moussa praised the shooters on their excellent precision and dedication… Fail.
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