PNUT GALLERY
“My whole jihad has been turned upside down.” -A disillusioned ISIS fighter interviewed for a report showing an increased number of desertions.
Side note: we’re now on that Instagram thing that everyone’s talking about here…
IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
Pope Lands In USA For Five-Day Tour, Republicans Already Angry
Pope Francis touched down in the US yesterday for his much-anticipated five-day tour. Here are the highlights so far:
- Pope Francis was greeted off the plane (awkwardly long handshake) by both the President and the First Family.
- Pape Francois responded to claims made by some US media that he is a communist.
- Papus Franciscus left the airport in a Fiat (the car equivalent of a small turtle).
- Papiez Franciszek will visit the White House tomorrow.
- Papst Franziskus will address Congress to discuss climate change and inequality. Much of Congress won’t like it.
You can now say Pope Francis in five different languages. For the full schedule of his visit see here. Also, in case you ever meet the Pope, here’s how to address him.
Volkswagen States Obvious: ‘We Completely Screwed Up’
A scandal that has given Volkswagen’s PR department a collective panic attack spread to Europe as it said that over 11 million cars had been designed to cheat diesel emissions tests. The company has set aside $7 billion to fix the cars, fight lawsuits and generally hide until this scandal blows over. Meanwhile, the company has lost $40 billion in value. Merkel and the EU are now involved. This is deeply reassuring for any embattled CEO especially as Volkswagen’s refuses to step down…something tells us this might change in the next few days.
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Refugee Crisis Threatens Stability Of The EU
Both the refugee crisis and the EU reached a turning point yesterday as EU interior ministers voted to accept a mandatory quota system to resettle refugees among all EU states. The measure was accepted by majority vote and not by unanimous vote as is typical for such measures. This is important because it is central to the debate about the EU’s authority and state sovereignty. Central and Eastern European states are furious with the measure and are threatening to appeal it… stay tuned.
Pharma Company: How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Martin Shkreli, CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, backtracked on a decision to raise the price of a life-saving AIDS medication from $13.50 per pill to $750 per pill (a 5,000% increase) in what was possibly one of the worst PR moves in history (worse than VW’s mistake perhaps?). Shkreli only made matters worse by tweeting that patient debt incurred as a result of the price hike “ain’t [his] fault.” The situation was so bad that even the pharma lobbying group hung Shkreli out to dry.
Recruits Deserting ISIS Due To Misleading Vacation Brochures
A new report released this week documented the increasing number of ISIS militants leaving the group after becoming disillusioned. The main reasons for desertion were cited as corruption, fighting against fellow (Sunni) Muslims, brutality and quality of life (well it’s never going to be a holiday camp is it?). One fighter who had been interviewed for the report said his “whole jihad had been turned upside down” by false promises.
#pnut4prez: One Way To Win An Election… Add More Voters
The Obama Administration encouraging legal residents to become US citizens has Republicans on edge. Why? Because after many anti-immigration statements by Republican presidential contenders, they are afraid those newfound citizens won’t vote for them. There is, of course, a simple solution to their predicament. Tone down the anti-immigration stance.
Keeping Our Eye On…
- Government Shutdown: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is trying some innovative techniques to help Republicans save face while avoiding a government shutdown over Planned Parenthood funding at the end of the month.
- Kim Davis: It isn’t over for the Kentucky clerk who refuses to issue gay marriage licenses. Four couples are taking her to court again for refusing to issue marriage licenses with her name on them.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Disruptive Inhalation With Snoop Dogg
Snoop Dogg, actor and creator of such dulcet melodies as “Serial Killa” and “Doggy Dog World,” has announced a new media platform dedicated solely to cannabis-related products called Merry Jane. The platform will include “cooking” shows, guest cameos (Seth Rogen is obviously on board) and we guess “gardening” programs. It is a growing market ( $3 billion last year) with an engaged customer base and a direct path to revenue. Top VCs are lining up (well… Wiz Khalifa).
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