September 22, 2015

“Can You Hear Me?”


“Walker at 0% in new national poll”… As the saying goes, he quit while he was… well… not quite ahead. 

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President Xi Visits Obama In Historically Awkward Meeting

Chinese President Xi Jinping visited the White House yesterday for hors d’oeuvres, a state dinner and what will certainly be a series of awkward discussions about contentious issues facing the US-China relationship. The two leaders are set to discuss cybersecurity (China keeps hacking the US), the South China Sea (China keeps building bases on islets) and the Chinese economy (it isn’t doing very well). Quite an aggressive agenda for the most important bi-lateral relationship in the world right now… enjoy the hors d’oeuvres.  

GOOD READ: New Yorkers profile of Xi Jinping

Hungary To Build Fences Everywhere

Hungarian PM Viktor Orban continued playing the role of “bad cop” in Europe’s refugee crisis. Hungary’s parliament voted overwhelmingly to give the army more power in monitoring the border and stopping refugees trying to enter the country due to “extraordinary situations.” Hungary also took out a full page ad in a Lebanese newspaper discouraging refugees from trying to enter the EU through Hungary… I think we get the message by now. 


Volkswagen: Redefining What It Means To Cheat On A Test

Volkswagen (VW), the company that owns Porsche (and Bentley and Lamborghini), is in hot water with the US government after it turned out to be cheating on its emissions tests. The cars apparently had a special software installed that would emit less when it was being tested than usual. Almost half a million cars have been recalled and the company could be fined as much as $18 billion. VW shares fell 18% in response.  

Apple To Launch iCar, Takeover World 

Speaking of cars, the WSJ reports that Apple is planning to launch a new electric car (we’ve called it iCar) by 2019. The leaders of the heroically named Project Titan have been given permission to grow the team from 600 to 1,800 people. Based on everything Apple has done so far we expect this to be a game-changer for the auto industry and by extension the oil industry. We only hope that this car doesn’t need Siri to function, or else no one is going to get anywhere. 

Skype Crashes, Millions Relieved From Awkward Video Chats 

Skype, the video call application that prompts people to yell “can you hear me” at the top of their lungs, crashed yesterday complicating lives for people in long-distance relationships and those “working” remotely. Skype, which is owned by Microsoft, said it figured out the problem and was working on fixing it. Let’s just hope that they do a better job on it than Windows Vista… and ME… and 8. Meanwhile, use Google Hangout.  

#pnut4prez: Scott Walker, You Have Been Voted Off The Island

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker became the latest casualty of the locker room brawl/race for the Republican nomination. Walker failed to impress voters and donors during the CNN Republican debate, resulting in a death spiral for his campaign. He announced, “Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field in this race so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field. With this in mind, I will suspend my campaign immediately.” This means that Jim Gilmore has now outlasted at least two contenders… 

Keeping Our Eye On…

  • Burkina Faso: As tensions escalate in the violent aftermath of the coup, Burkina Faso’s army walked into the capital, Ouagadougou, to quell the coup supporters.

  • Baby Doe: In the case of the three-year-old girl ‘s “Baby Doe” death, the mother is posted at a $1 million bail and the boyfriend has been jailed for her murder, claiming “She was a demon anyway.”



Only In The UK: #Snoutrage, #Hameron and #Piggate

You would think that the Eurozone crisis, Syria, Russian aggression in Eastern Europe or anything else would lead the news in the UK. Rather a story about the British PM allegedly putting a “private part of his anatomy” in a pig’s mouth as part of a university initiation has prompted a media frenzy. The internet promptly went crazy after the allegations were raised in a new unofficial biography of David Cameron written by a former Conservative donor who really doesn’t like the Prime Minister. This is absurd

Tony Abbott out, Malcolm Turnbull in as Australia's fifth Prime Minister in five years - TomoNews
What’s going on in Australia? This bonkers video explains the Prime Ministerial revolving door.
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