August 12, 2015

Chinese shocks the market, torture in NY prison? Greeks get a deal and Bunga Bunga!



“Finally, we have white smoke!” – Greek Finance Ministry official on reaching a deal with creditors.


China Teaches World Name Of Currency In Shock Move

China suddenly devalued the Yuan/Renminbi (its currency) on Monday with repercussions being felt throughout global stock and commodity markets. Emerging market currencies from Singapore (we didn’t know they were still “emerging”) to Russia were hammered yesterday, with the Russian Ruble losing more than two percent of its value. What’s causing this?
A number of things: weak economic data, a fear that the US dollar will rise and a stock market crash… Whatever the cause, it is becoming increasingly true that when China sneezes, the world will start catching a cold. 

Prison Break And The Wrath That Ensued

Remember the two inmates who escaped a New York prison this past June? Well the story doesn’t end with their capture three weeks later. According to a New York Times investigation, prison guards interrogated other inmates, particularly those who lived where the escapees resided. And by interrogation we mean putting plastic bags over their heads, threatening waterboarding tactics, among other gruesome beating tactics. As is usually the case with “enhanced interrogation” they were going after the wrong people. Turns out some of the prison guards helped the prisoners get out. 

Greece And Germany Learn To Play Nice And Sign Stuff

Greece and its creditors have finally agreed to a deal for 86 billion euros (less than half of Apple’s cash). People were so relieved… even Germany was optimistic-ish. Does that mean no more Greece coverage? Nope. There are still a few more milestones coming up.
  • First, the agreement needs to be agreed to by Eurozone parliaments before an August 20 deadline (Greece votes Thursday).
  • Then, Greece actually needs to implement the deal. The last two deals had a lot of stuff on paper, though very little of it was implemented.
  • Finally, Greek PM Alexis Tsipras needs to do all this while staying in power… hard stuff when he’s lost part of his party to the further left.        

 Pnut’s Dispatch from Athens


NYC Moves Past Bed Bugs To Legionnaire’s

12th person died in New York City of Legionnaire’s disease in an ongoing outbreak of the deadly bacteria. The outbreak has ravaged the South Bronx, a poor neighborhood in NYC’s poorest borough. Communication breakdowns and missed voicemails have confused the city’s response to the bacterial outbreak.     

Good Read: What is Legionnaire’s Disease? via UK’s NHS

Russians Shooting Down Planes

Parts of a Russian missile were found at the crash site of the downed Malaysian Airlines flight in Eastern Ukraine. Russia has gone to great lengths to deny that the rebels they back shot down the plane, including forging satellite photographs and sponsoring internet trolls. Investigators say they haven’t proven a “causal connection.” Yes, perhaps something other than colliding with a missile brought the plane down… 

Athletics Competes With Soccer For Most Dysfunctional Sport

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a really fast athlete who’s been doping apparently. The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) will take “disciplinary action” against 28 athletes who were recently found to be doping. The IAAF, headquartered in Monaco, has been recently accused of covering up a doping scandal involving over 800 athletes... naturally they denied the claim

#pnut4prez: ‘What’s Blonde And White And Red All Over?’

…the Donald! Okay, that was disgusting, we admit, but if you’re going to use a woman’s menstrual cycle as an insult, expect nothing less than to be bombarded with period tweets with the accompanying hashtag #periodsarenotaninsult. This comes after Trump lashed out at Fox News host Megyn Kelly for her performance during the GOP debate, saying, “You know, you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.” Our personal favorite tweet comes from @FatGirlvsWorld: “I propose that instead of saying that women are ‘On the rag’ when they have their period, we say ‘on their Trump.'”

Keeping Our Eye On…

  • Ferguson Unrest: Under the declared state of emergency in Ferguson, almost 150 protesters have been arrested. It probably doesn’t help that an armed militia group is roaming the streets…
  • Canada No Longer Boring: PM Stephen Harper initiated the longest election campaign since 1872 bringing out a Hunger Games-esque ambiance where all the leaders are beginning to show their true colors.
  • Iran Deal: Counting down to the vote on the Iran Deal, Hillary Clinton finally takes a stance to warn that “all bets are off” if it isn’t approved. Meanwhile, an apparently hungry ex-NATO commander James Stavridis compares the deal to Swiss cheese.


Berlusconi’s Sells ‘Bunga Bunga’ Villa

Former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi is selling his holiday “villa” in Sardinia for a solid $550 million. The move, as always with Silvio, proves that he is a man in touch with the needs of the common man. The “villa” was the scene of many lavish parties (known colloquially as the “bunga bunga” parties) thrown by the former PM. The 68 room “villa” features a few modest add ons like a James Bond grotto, an amphitheater and an artificial volcano… because nothing says home sweet home like replaying Vesuvius.
  I'm running for Parliament!
World’s best campaign video eh!
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Yes, I want to sound marginally more intelligent: