PNUT GALLERY
“I’ve been doing this for 30 years. This is the most asinine act I’ve ever seen a police officer make, totally unwarranted.†-Joseph Deters, County Prosecutor in the Samuel DuBose case on the fatal shooting.
IN A NUTSHELL: MUST READ
Taliban Leader Mullah Omar Reported Dead
The Afghan Intelligence Agency reported that the reclusive, one-eyed leader of the Taliban, Mullah Omar, had died in a Pakistani hospital in 2013. The man is said to have escaped Afghanistan for Pakistan shortly after the US invasion of Afghanistan in 2001. He was wanted by the US government for his role in supporting Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda after the 9/11 attacks. He managed to escape one of the largest manhunts in history following the invasion.
The reports of his death in Pakistan will make things very awkward for the Pakistani government who has denied that he was in the country (Bin Laden anyone?). It will also complicate things for the Taliban as it gets squeezed by the Afghan government and ISIS in Afghanistan.
Federal Reserve Announces Something
The US Federal Reserve announced it would raise interest rates later this year. Well, it didn’t exactly say that (because who needs clarity), but it did say that the “US labor market continued to improve, with sold job gains and declining unemployment.” Essentially what that means is that things are looking up and its time to start slowing them down before the economy gets too hot (basically raise rates).
This will be the first time the Fed raises rates since June 2006. Think about it, thats nine years ago, the show 24 was still famous, Breaking Bad hadn’t aired its first episode yet and there was only one Sudan back then…
NUTS AND BOLTS: SHOULD READ
Eurotunnel Crisis As Thousands Attempt To Flee France
One doesn’t usually imagine France as a point of departure for desperate migrants. But an ongoing crisis at the French port city of Calais has been brewing for the past few weeks as hundreds of migrants have attempted to force themselves through the Eurotunnel that connects France to the UK. On Tuesday one man was reported dead after trying to access the tunnel along with 1,500 other migrants. This is the ninth reported death since June.
France is upping its police presence at the mouth of the tunnel as migrants attempt to storm the tunnel entrance multiple times in groups of at least 400. Eurotunnel said that they intercepted 37,000 migrants trying to go from France to the UK this year. To the best of our knowledge no one was caught trying to get into France…
Tom Brady Fights Back
The Patriots quarterback is not letting his four-game suspension go so easily. Brady denied wrongdoing, taking to Facebook Wednesday to declare his innocence: “The fact is that neither I, nor any equipment person, did anything of which we have been accused.” He also addressed the claim that he destroyed his phone to cover up his involvement in deflategate, explaining that he had clear approval by his attorneys to replace his “broken Samsung phone” with an iPhone 6 after they clarified that his phone would not be subjected to investigation. The jury is out…
FIFA: The Search For A Better Blatter
The race to replace FIFA head (or mob boss look-a-like) Sepp Blatter is on as Michael Platini announced his candidacy yesterday. Platini currently serves as the head of the Union of European Football (soccer) Association (UEFA) and is a favored front-runner to replace Blatter after getting the backing of four of the six continent federations. Platini will be FIFA’s third president in its 50-year history, putting the organization on par with countries like Libya and Brunei in terms of average leadership tenure and quality of governance.
#Pnut4Prez: Hillary Takes A Stand (Sorta) On Planned Parenthood
After videos were released showing Planned Parenthood employees discussing the sale of aborted fetal tissues, Hillary Clinton came to the organization’s defense. She took two steps forward and one step back Wednesday, however, noting that the images she’d seen were “disturbing.” Yet, she still espoused her support, noting their “really good work” on behalf of women for years. This comes after the GOP proposed legislation to defund the organization and Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul calling on Hillary to return all campaign donations from Planned Parenthood.
Keeping Our Eye On…
- Samuel DuBose: University of Cincinnati police officer Ray Tensing was indicted on murder charges Wednesday for fatally shooting 43-year-old DuBose during a traffic stop. This is one of several incidents in recent months that has raised questions about police force and race.
- Snowden: The White House said it wouldn’t offer Edward Snowden amnesty and encourages him to return to be tried. He probably will continue enjoying his freedom… in Russia.
- Malaysian Airlines: Remember that flight that went missing? They might have found parts of it on Reunion Island, near Madagascar and approximately 3,500 miles from Kuala Lumpur.
LOOSE NUTS: FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT
Operation Save The Swiss Cow
Faced with an insufferable heat wave that threatened the lives of hundreds of Switzerland’s iconic cows, the country’s air force took matters into its own hands… they conducted a daring raid into France, ravenously attacking a lake, startling bathers and tourists before making off with hundreds of liters of fresh lake water to quench the cows’ thirst. Local French officials were livid that such a flagrant violation of sovereignty happened under their noses. The Swiss, who had alerted the French Air Force — not the local authorities — of their intentions, quickly withdrew and apologized.
This is the first time Switzerland has invaded a neighboring country since it accidentally invaded Liechtenstein for a short period in March 2007. Whoops!
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