July 24, 2015

Shooting in Louisiana, Turkey Prepares for War, Selling the Iran Deal, NASA Looks for Aliens and Bunga Bunga



“Oh my God… I’ll never run for office. I’m too aggressive, and nobody will ever vote for me.†-Hillary Clinton (before saying “yes” to marrying Bill)



Developing Story: Shooting At Louisiana Movie Theater

As of Thursday 11:30pm EST, at least three people (including the shooter) died and seven more were injured in a shooting at a Lafayette, LA movie theater. According to local paper The Advertiser, an “older white man” opened fire during the 7pm showing of “Train Wreck.” This comes almost three years to the date after the shooting in the Aurora, CO movie theater (July 20, 2012) and just five weeks since the Charleston, SC shooting. 

Turkey Sounds The Drums Of War?

Things really heated up between Turkey and ISIS this week as a cross border tussle resulted in one dead Turkish soldier. Turkey responded by shelling positions within Syria and then allowing the US-led, anti-ISIS coalition (a little bit bigger than the “coalition of the willing”) use of an air base in Southern Turkey. Make no doubt, this is a game-changer for the war in the region. Turkey has the biggest military in the area and for a long time has been an enemy of Bashar Al-Assad (whom ISIS hates). Turkey has also been a bit laissez-faire with ISIS, and its new stance is set to rebalance the power dynamic in Syria. How this will play out is anyone’s guess, but we do hope that, for once, ISIS may have bitten off more than it can chew. 


Iran: Sometimes It’s Easier To Negotiate With The Enemy

US Secretary of State John Kerry and Iranian President Hassan Rouhani both faced off against domestic hardliners today to defend the deal they had both secured in Vienna earlier this month. In a rare display of a democratic mandate in the Middle East, Rouhani said that the deal reflected the wishes of the Iranian people who elected him. State-side, Kerry told Republican lawmakers that a better deal would be a “fantasy.” It is nice to see Iranians and Americans finding common ground… although in some cases it is for all the wrong reasons.
 The Pnut Guide to the Iran Deal

NASA Discovers New Place To Sell iPhones

In an ongoing quest to find new places for Apple to market its products, NASA announced yesterday that it found the most earth-like planet in our galaxy (the Milky Way). Nasa calls the new planet Earth’s “bigger, older, cousin,” which is a bit patronizing considering we found them and not the other way around. The announcement galvanizes people who believe in alien life forms, including Stephen Hawking and Russian tycoon Yuri Milner who have decided to launch a $100 million search for alien life forms. We would think that money would be better spent curing problems here on Earth, but hey, it’s not our money to spend.

#Pnut4Prez: The Other Clinton & The Other Bush Got Somethin’ To Say

In a (sort of) touching interview (depending on how much of a sucker you are for American politics), Bill Clinton and George W. Bush open up side by side (yes, physically next to each other) about the 2016 presidential race. One’s wife, the other’s brother are now each other’s arch rivals, yet the two former presidents are seemingly at peace. They open up about marriage (Bill had to propose three times before Hillary said yes), hobbies (W’s inability to paint Clinton’s “bulbous nose” right) and, oddly enough, real life human emotions in politics (not so sure on this one). Nonetheless, it’s cute, kind of.

Good Read: Time’s interview of Clinton and Bush re: Clinton and Bush part deux.



From Russia With Bunga Bunga

Silvio Berlusconi, the former Italian prime minister, who once described himself as “the best leader in Europe and the world”, is looking to make an unlikely career move. His long-time partner -in-bromance, Vladimir Putin, reportedly offered the perma-tanned billionaire the role of Russian Economy Minister. This is the equivalent of appointing Borat to negotiate the Iran deal… a terrible idea (Berlusconi’s three terms as PM saw Italian debt surge and abysmal GDP growth). The Russians immediately rowed back saying that the idea had been “figurative.” Maybe when they remembered that Berlusconi was recently sentenced to 3 years in jail for bribing a senator or that he was previously accused of “relations” with an underage dancer (Ruby the Heart Stealer) they decided to withdraw the offer. Berlusconi literally doesn’t care though… in his own words, “There is no one in history to whom I feel inferior.”

Weekend Reads

Obama tells the UK to forget about this Brexit business
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